Resident Evil Final Fantasy 7 Part 3
by Liquid
Summary: Meteor is hovering in the sky, and Weapon is on a rampage...is the world of FFVII too much for the heroes of RE?
1. Return To Junion

Jill woke up with a start, finding herself in a strange room.

"Wow". She said as she covered her eyes. "Splitting headache, blurred vision, no recollection of the night prior...ok Jill, the first step to recovery is admiting you have a problem... just please let me be alone".

"You always talk to yourself like that"? Rebecca asked. "Or have you just been hanging out with Chris too often"?

Jill began to think that there were worse people to wake up with, but then reality hit her, and memories came flooding into her mind.

"Where are we"? She asked. "What happened to the others"? "How long have we been here"? "What happened to Chris"? "And most importantly, did you touch me in my sleep"?

"No, I didn't". Rebecca replied.

"Well, why not"? "Are you suddenly too good for me"? "I didn't hear you complaining too much in Rocket Town".

"Fine, I touched you if it will make you shut up for a second".

"Good girl". "So what else happened"?

"We are back in Junion, have been for a few days now". "Liquid took a dive off the airship and forced Ashley, Leon, and Tiggr to join him in his suicidal dive". "Chris vanished back at the north crater, you got the shit tazered out of you, and Barry and Scooby were put on display at the Junion zoo".

(FLASHBACK)

"YES"! Barry screamed as he hung upside down on the bars. "GIVE FOOD TO MONKEY MAN AND GROMIT"!

"I am not Gromit"! Scooby yelled as people thru peanuts at them. "SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE"!

Barry jumped down, and picked him up.

"What are you doing"? Scooby demanded.

"Monkey man make Gromit fly like pancake"! Barry replied.

Suddenly he tossed Scooby into the air, caught him, and did it again... and again... and again...

"Fucking stop"! Scooby screamed. "I'm gonna puke"!

"Fly, Gromit"! Barry yelled. "FLY"!

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Well, that's just great". Jill said. "But what happened to Sephiroth and the Weapons"?

"Thoes things are assholes"! Rebecca yelled. "Giant indestructable murder machines destroying everything in their path"! "Who would design something like that"? "I mean, what kind of sick german freak would you have to be for that"?

(FLASHBACK)

"You see it rises from underground". Dr. Wily explained. "And then IT PUNISHES THEM"!

(FLASHFORWARD)

"And as for Sephiroth". Rebecca said as she walked over to the blinds.

She opened them, allowing a dark red light to fill the room. Then as her eyes adjusted, Jill saw that there was a giant moon size asteriod looking thing hovering in the sky.

"What the fuck is that"? She asked.

"Meteor". Rebecca replied. "It appeared shortly after we got here, then this crazy energy barrier thing appeared over the entirity of the north crater, so the shinra can't go see what that freak is doing in there". "But they have their hands full fighting off Weapon".

Suddenly the door was kicked open, and Alfred stormed in along with Iorns and several shinra soldiers.

"I thought that Chris would have shown up by now". Alfred said. "But it looks like he's not coming, so your usefullness has ended, and you are to be executed on live shinra tv... pay per view of course". "And since we're blaming you assholes for all this shit whats been happening, your execution is gonna be even bigger then when they killed Timothy McVeigh". "Get'em".

The soldiers tackled them, and the next thing they knew, Jill and Rebecca's hands were tied behind their backs.

"You are gonna die a horrible screaming death". Jill said.

"Not today, I won't". Alfred replied. "Now if you'll walk this way, please".

He walked out the door, and the girls were forced to follow.

Meanwhile, just outside of Junion.

Liquid, Leon, Ashley, and Tiggr were hidden behind a large rock, watching the five shinra soldiers guarding the only way into the city.

Liquid started to get up, but Ashley stopped him.

"What the hell are you doing"? She asked. "You can't just storm in there like an idiot".

"Ashley". Liquid calmly replied. "Would you like to know why you don't have any friends"? "It's because nobody likes an insufferable know it all, now if you would shut your cock holster for exactly 13.5 seconds maybe you'd learn something from thoes of us who have been out of high school for more then a week, ok"?

He pushed her away, and vanished around the rock. A few moments later they spotted him sneaking into a garage attached to the very first house.

"What is he doing"? Tiggr asked.

"Yeah, Leon". Ashley replied. "What is that dumbshit doing"? "He can't possibly have a plan that won't get us killed".

"I don't know". Leon confessed. "You're supposed to be the smart one".

She was about to say something else, but was interupted by the roar of an engine. A second later Liquid flew out of the garage in an El Cameno, and came to a screeching hault in front of the guards.

"Hey, assholes"! Liquid called as he beeped the horn.

"Are you fucking kidding me"? Ashley asked. "Tell me he didn't just do that".

Leon took a second look just to make sure, and yes, the guards were now standing around Liquid.

"What do you want"? A guard asked.

"What do I want"? Liquid replied. "I want to know what the fuck you guys just did to my car, that's what I want".

"We didn't do anything to your car".

"Is that so"? "Then what do you call that paint scratch on the hood"?

The guards looked, but saw nothing.

"What scratch"? He asked.

"Are you blind"? Liquid demanded. "That thing is fucking huge, look closer".

They all leaned over the hood, but still saw nothing.

"That's it". Liquid continued. "Look closer... closer... closer...

Liquid suddenly slammed his hand on the hydrolic switch, causing the front end of the car to bounce up about three feet, bashing every guard in the face, and making them fall to the ground.

"You just got knocked the fuck out"! Liquid yelled. "Let's go guys"!

"Well, I'll be damned". Ashley said as they ran over to him.

They jumped into the car, and drove into Junion.


	2. A Shinra Press Conference

Liquid continued driving his stolen el cameno right down the main street of Junion, and the others anticipated the coming operation with nerves of steel.

"This is never gonna work". Ashley said. "We have no idea where the others are, and we are completely surrounded by thousands of shinra soldiers". "And if that wasn't enough, we are driving down the street in a stolen car". "Watch, any second now one of them are gonna spot us, and then it's game over man, game ov

Liquid suddenly cut the wheel to the right, making her fall with her head in Leon's lap.

"Well". Leon said as she sat back up. "Merry christmas to me".

"Pervert"! She yelled as she smacked him.

Liquid smirked as she started choking him, then he started driving normal again.

"What did you do that for"? Tiggr asked.

"I just wanted to shut her up for awhile". Liquid replied. "No wonder they kicked her out of Wutai".

"She's right, though". "We're probably gonna get caught".

"No way, these guys don't give a frog's fat ass about us right now". "If they aren't stairing stupidly at meteor, then they're busy watching the live broadcast of today's upcoming executions on live shinra tv". "Hell, I could drive right over that hot dog stand and no one would care".

"Bullshit".

"Oh yeah, watch this".

He cranked the wheel to the left, and stomped the gas. Then Tiggr screamed as the car plowed right through the hot dog stand.

"Asshole"! The vender screamed. "Guards"! "Guards, he just tried to kill me"! "Guards"!

The guard responded to this by smacking the vender with the stock of his rifle, knocking him out.

"I hate when people talk during my show". He said as he turned back toward the viewscreen.

"Holy crap"! Tiggr exclaimed. "I can't believe that worked"!

"Told you". Liquid replied. "Have a hot dog, I grabbed a few as we destroyed that guy's only reason for living". "Now I want you guys to relax a little, and just remember that this isn't nearly as bad as that time I got lost in the 100 Acre Woods".

(FLASHBACK)

Liquid slowly stumbled around the trees, battling a fierce hangover as he tried to find his way.

"I'm not lost". He said to himself. "Home should be to my immeadiate... uh... um... this way, sure, it's this way".

"Hello, Liquid". A short yellow bear said.

"Huh"? "Who the fuck are you"?

"I'm Winne The Pooh, silly".

Liquid thought for a second.

"Oh, right". He replied. "You're the one who hangs out with that gay pig". "But what are you doing so far away from the 100 Acre Woods"?

"Don't be silly, Liquid". Pooh replied. "You just walked into the 100 Acre Woods".

"OH GOD DAMN IT"! "I knew I was walking the wrong way"! "I hate this god damn forest, and all of it's sexually confused animals"!

"Cheer up, Liquid". "Whenever I'm feeling sad, I like to get a nice hug from Tiggr... here he comes now".

Liquid turned around just in time to see a flash of orange, then everything went black.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"THAT'S WHERE I KNOW YOU FROM"! Liquid screamed.

He screamed his rage as he tackled Tiggr, then everyone else screamed as the car hit a barrier in the road, causing it to flip over.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"?! Ashley demanded.

"Hey, Ashley". Liquid replied. "What's that you got on your face"?

She looked for a second, then Liquid kicked her before starting to pull himself from the wreckage.

Meanwhile inside the administration building, Jill and Rebecca were led into a large room full of people and cameras. They were pushed to the front of the room, and forced into uncomfortable chairs.

"Ow, asshole"! Rebecca yelled.

"SILENCE"! Iorns screamed. "Ladies and gentleman I present to you the president of shinra... Alfred Ashford"!

Everyone clapped as he walked into the room, and stepped up to the podium. Then he tested the mic, and cleared his throat.

"Now". Alfred began. "Here before you are the ones responsible for the horrors we face in this current age". "They are responsible for global warming, rising gas prices, the latest of the horrible M. Night Shymalon movies, and they might have some involvement with that thing in the sky or those robotic nightmares that are wandering around, but anyway we are here for an execution so... I have prepared a little speech".

The crowd groaned.

"Now to begin". He continued. "I would like to start by saying a few words about leadership".

3 hours later.

"And even though my parents said there was nothing under my bed". Alfred continued. "I knew that there was"! "Anyway, where was I"?... "Oh yeah, Leadership".

Suddenly he was interupted by the door opening, and another reporter with her camera man rushing into the room.

"Sorry I'm late". She said as they took their seas. "Damn place is a maze"!

Alfred was clearly angered by this.

"FINE"! He shrieked as he tossed his speech away. "You cocksuckers want to just show up whenever the hell you want, then let's just start the execution"!

The crowd cheered, and someone threw confetti.

"I hate you guys". He grumbled. "START WITH THE BRUNETTE"!

The guards grabbed Jill and started dragging her toward another room for her execution.


	3. The Rescuers

Jill was dragged into a smaller room that contained a strange looking chair.

"Get in the chair". Ada ordered.

"Oh, I get it". Jill replied. "You want to have a little fun with the prisoner before the execution, huh"? "Well I appreciate the guesture, but I'm usually the one with someone in the chair if you get my drift".

"GET IN THE GOD DAMN CHAIR"!

"Hmm, streight to the point... I like that".

"Guards, assist the prisoner".

One of the guards grabbed her by the arm, and she responded to this by kicking him in the nuts.

"GREAT CHRIST"! He screamed as he fell over.

"Ok then". Ada said. "We can do this another way".

She and the guards quickly exited the room,and slammed the dor, locking Jill inside.

"I don't get it". Jill said. "How are you supposed to kill me if I'm not in the chair"?

"Fool"! Ada replied. "The gasses from this chair will do far worse then execute you". "Once you are exposed to the fumes your mind will be transformed into that of a pleasent housewife". "Your life will never feel complete without a man, and everything you are will exsist only to serve". "MUAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"NOOOOOOOOOOO"!

Ada continued laughing as she reached for the button, but she was stopped by the sudden sounding of the city wide alarm.

"ATTENTION ALL PERSONEL"! A voice on the intercom yelled. "WEAPON IS ATTACKING AND WE'RE ALL FUCKED, ER, I MEAN REMAIN CALM"! "ALL NON COMBAT PERSONEL REPORT TO THE DESIGNATED SAFETY AREAS IMMEDIATLY, AND ALL SOLDIERS GET OUTSIDE BEFORE WE ALL GET WASTED AND DIE A HORRIBLE SCREAMING DEATH, I MEAN EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL"!

"Well, that sucks". Ada said. "Time to go".

"Not so fast, you evil bitch"! The late arriving reporter yelled as she took off her disguise. "Take care of her, Leon".

Leon ripped off his disguise, and then broke open his camera, revealing a very large automatic pistol. He grabbed it, and opened fire, causing him to spin around, raining death and destruction on everything he saw.

"NO"! Ashley yelled as she hit the floor. "AIM, YOU DIPSHIT"!

"Too late now"! He replied as he spun. "But on the brightside, I think all the bad guys are dead"!

It semed like he was correct, but then his last bullet struck the locking system for the chair room, making it impossible for them to get Jill out.

"Good job, assclowns". Ada said as she got up. "Not only did you seal your friend's fate, but you also allowed Iorns and Alfred to escape during your little outburst... and since you are out of bullets...

She quickly knocked the gun out of Leon's hand just before she spun him around and started choking him with his own arm.

"Ok, listen up". She said. "I'm gonna walk out of here, and

Suddenly the doors were kicked open, and there stood Tiggr.

"I'LL SAVE YOU, LEON"! He screamed.

He flew at his target, but Ada moved at the last second, causing him to slam into Leon, and making them both slam into Ashley.

"Oh my god". Ada said as she looked at them. "This is the crack team that has been giving us so much trouble"? "I am deeply ashamed". "But I gotta run".

She ran out of the room, leaving them to untangle themselves.

"You are fucking worthless"! Ashley yelled as she kicked Leon. "I swear we give the simplist job to the simplist person in the group, and everything still goes to shit"! "How do you survive daily life"?

"HEY"! Jill yelled from in the chair room. "Get me out of here"!

Leon suddenly jumped to his feet.

"I have a plan"! He yelled.

"Oh, jesus". Ashley groaned.

"The lock may be broken, but I once saw a guy do this in a video game, so stand back"! "CARLSON AND PEETERS"!

He took off like a shot, and rammed into the door at full speed, causing him to see stars as he was knocked on his ass.

"The stars are pretty tonight". He slurred.

"Jesus Christ, Leon"! Ashley yelled.

Suddenly the whole building shook.

"ATTENTION ALL PERSONEL"! The intercom screamed. "WEAPON IS APPROACHING, AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE"!

"Fuck it"! Tiggr yelled. "Let's get out of here"!

"HEY"! Jill screamed as they ran out of the room. "COME BACK HERE"!

The building shook again as the alarms sounded off louder, signaling the approach of weapon.


	4. Weapon Raid

In the command room, Alfred and Iorns were preparing to unleash their ultimate weapon against... well... Weapon.

"But, sir". Iorns said. "We don't have visual contact yet, hell, we can't even see the damn thing on the radar". "Maybe if we don't piss it off, it will just go away".

"HOW DARE YOU"!? Alfred screamed. "I am the commander of this base, and you will follow my orders no matter how silly or impossible they seem"!

"But sir, have you even SEEN this thing"? "It's like godzilla on crack, and even if we managed to defeat it, thoes other ones would probably come and kick our asses out of revenge".

"Hmmm, perhaps I was not clear".

Suddenly Alfred took a pistol out from under his jacket, and shot Iorns in the foot, making him scream like a bitch as he fell on his ass.

"NOW FIRE THE DAMN CANNON"! Alfred screamed.

A minute later the gigantic Junion cannon creaked and groaned as it aimed toward it's target. Then there was an earth shattering KABOOM as it was fired, sending the molton projectile screaming across the ocean until it was out of sight.

Silence filled the city for a moment, and then there was a blinding flash, followed by an enormous explosion.

"OW, FUCKERS"! A deep voice roared. "NOW YOU GONNA GET IT"!

Meanwhile in the chair room, Jill was still trapped.

"FUCKING LET ME OUT"! She screamed as she pounded on the door. "I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KICK YOUR ROTTON HEADS IN"!

There was a tiny window on the wall that was much too small to crawl through, but then there was a roaring sound, and when she looked out the window she screamed at what she saw.

The enormous blue and purple monster roared again as it rose from the sea to a height equal to that of the entire junion city. The shinra soldiers shot at it with bullets and missiles, but the monster didn't even seem to notice.

"You like to play with big guns, huh"? Weapon asked. "Well so do I".

A large armor plate over it's face suddenly lifted up like a welder's mask, and from it's mouth came an energy beam that tore through the city walls like a knife through warm butter.

Jill dropped to the floor not a second before the beam destroyed the wall to the chair room, giving her a way to escape.

"You bitches like that"? Weapon asked. "Well, have another one"!

The energy gathered in it's mouth for a second blast, but then it's eyes went wide as it's armor plate fell back into place.

"OH SHIT"! Weapon yelled.

The explosion blew it's entire head off, and Jill climbed out of the chair room as it's massive body sank into the ocean.

She climbed onto the outer wall, and used a convienient power cable to slide down toward the cannon barrel.

Suddenly the inner door of the chair room was kicked open, and Ada rushed in, followed by three shinra soldiers.

"What the"? She asked. "Where did that bitch go"?

She looked out the hole, and saw Jill going down.

"AFTER HER"! Ada screamed as she grabbed the nearest soldier.

She tossed him out the hole, and he screamed as he plummited to his death.

"Ok, new plan". Ada said. "Come with me".

They ran out of the room as Jill reached the cannon barrel.

"Ok". She said as she waslked down it. "Now what do I do"?

"You die". Ada's voice said.

Jill spun around and gasped as she saw Ada and her two guards standing there.

"How did you get down here"? Jill asked.

"Don't worry about it". She replied. "But you can worry about THIS if you want to".

Ada suddenly slapped her in the face, and Jill came back with a punch that sent Ada stumbling into one of the guards, making him scream as he fell to his death.

"Shoot her"! Ada ordered.

The guard raised his rifle and was about to shoot, but then there was a whirling sound, and a gigantic airship rose up at the end of the cannon.

"Drop the gun, douchebag"! Liquid's voice ordered over the intercom.

"Do what he says". Ada ordered. "He'd just love an excuse to kill us".

The guard dropped his gun, then Jill picked it up and broke it over his head, making his body fall to the ocean. She then grabbed Ada and gave her a big kiss before punching her in the face, and running toward the end of the cannon.

She ran faster and faster, then she leaped for the deck of the airship, but at the last second it moved just out of her reach, making her scream as she fell toward the ocean.

Suddenly the airship dropped down,and got below her, making her crash onto the deck.

"HA HA"! Liquid laughed over the intercom. "You thought I was gonna let you die"! "You should have seen the look on your face"!

He continued laughing as the airship rose higher into the air, and then took off across the horizon.


	5. Highwind

The airship Highwind continued sailing across the sky as Jill made her way inside.

Once in she went down a flight of stairs, and through another door that led into the cockpit. There she found Liquid, Leon, Ashley, Scooby, Barry, Rebecca and Tiggr.

"Welcome aboard the Highwind". Liquid said as he continued to man the wheel. "Finally mine again after months of being held captive by thoes cocksucking shinra bastards".

"Great, you got your ship back". Jill replied. "NOW WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG"?!

"Your welcome for the rescue, bitch". "And for your information after I rescued Barry and Scooby I hit a little snag while trying to reclaim my prize, here".

(FLASHBACK)

Liquid kicked open the outer door of the Highwind, then he, Barry, and Scooby ran inside.

"This way"! Liquid yelled. "We have to secure engineering first"!

He rounded a corner and ran into a cute blonde girl, making him fall on his ass. Barry and Scooby then rounded the corner and came to a screeching halt as they saw the other four girls standing with her.

"You...". Sailor Moon said as she looked at Liquid. "Look... fimiliar".

"It's Liquid". The sailor scouts replied.

"WHERE"?! "IT IS"?! "I knew that".

"Uh...". Liquid said as he got up. "Hi, Serena".

"Hurt him alot"! "Hurt him, his moron, and his dog"!

"I'm not really with these guys"! Scooby quickly said.

"To late, RUN"! Liquid screamed as he took off down the hall. "RUN"!

They ran screaming down the hall as the sailor scouts chased them.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"I don't want to hear anymore". Jill interupted. "One of these days your womanizing ways is gonna catch up to you, but for now I just want to know our next move".

"Simple". Liquid replied. "We hightail it to a far away village in the south, then we change our names, hide out for a few years, and Leon's new name gets to be Pedro".

"SWEET"! Leon yelled. "I've always wanted to be Irish"!

"Pedro is a mexican name". Ashley replied. "But I think his name should be El Polio Loco".

"What does that mean"?

"It means the crazy chicken, you dumb fuck". "In fact, you and your assinine captain should both walk the plank just for breathing my oxygen".

Suddenly Liquid cranked the wheel to the right, making Ashley scream as she lost her balance and fell to the floor.

"Damn turbulence". Liquid laughed. "You should be more careful".

"COCKSUCKER"! Ashley screamed as she jumped up. "You will now feel the wrath of Ashley from Wutai"!

She ran at him and swung, but he stepped aside, making her miss and fall onto the wheel. She started to get up, but then Liquid did the vulcan neck pinch, making her collapse on the floor.

"PUT HER IN THE BRIG"! He ordered.

"But we don't have a brig". Leon replied.

"Ok, then what do we have"?

"Um...we have a laundry room".

"Alright then put her in the laundry room, henceforth to be known as the brig".

Leon walked toward her, but Rebecca stopped him.

"Hold it". She said. "This is no time to divide our forces". "We have several Weapons on a rampage around the world, Sephiroth is still out there, meteor could fall at any moment, and we don't have the slightest clue as to what our next move should be".

"Whatever". Liquid replied. "I say that my plan is the best one, everyone around you agrees, and I know that deep down you do as well, so it's unanimous".

Rebecca was starting to lose her patience.

"What the hell is wrong with you"? She asked. "I mean, how do you stay alive from day to day"? "You're a drunk, you have no morals, you treat your soldiers like crap, you're corrupt as hell, and you're on more hit lists then anyone I have ever met". "And all of thoes ex-girlfriends out to skin you alive... have you ever been with someone who didn't want to cut your damn throat"?

"Better question". Liquid replied. "What's that on the wall right there"?

Rebecca turned, and Liquid cranked the wheel to the left, making her smack her head on the wall.

"I can't believe you fell for that". Liquid laughed. "You all obviously have cabin fever and should be quarintined for twenty years just to be safe... but since we're almost to the village, I'm willing to let a few things slide".

The airship started slowing down, and Ashley began to wake up as it started to land.

"What happened"? She asked. "Did I win"?

"No". Liquid replied. "But Leon fucked you while you were sleeping".

"WHAT"?!

"I did"? Leon asked. "When did this happen"? "Was I good"?

She turned and tackled him Leon to the ground, making him scream starting to beat him in the face with both fists.

"Ah, young love". Barry said as the ship finished landing.


	6. Secret Village

The red glow from meteor filled the sky as the group walked away from the airship, heading toward a small village.

"Now, when we get there". Liquid said as they walked. "I expect you all to be on your best behavior".

"Wow, that's out of character". Jill said. "What brought this on"?

"Oh, nothing". "I just don't want to piss these guys off".

"Who, the villagers"?

"No, the large scary creatures that just surrounded us".

Suddenly a dozen red robed people came out of fricken nowhere, and less then 10 seconds later everyone was tied up on the ground.

"Will someone please explain"? Rebecca asked. "How the fuck this bullshit keeps happening to us"!

"SILENCE"! One of the red robed creatures yelled.

He then removed his hood, making everyone gasp as they saw that he had the face of a pig.

"I am Pig Face Bill". He declaired. "And unless my eyesight is fading... you are Liquid".

"GOD DAMN IT, NOT AGAIN"! Scooby screamed. "I swear to god we can't take you anywhere"! "And just what did you do to these guys"?

"I don't know". Liquid replied. "It's been years since I saw anyone with a face like that... wait a second... you're not Lisa's brother, are you"?

Pig Face Bill growled.

"Hmmm". Liquid continued. "Not sure... I know, maybe you could sound a bit like her for me". "Yeah, that's it, just raise the pitch of your voice a few octives and say_ oh yes Liquid, fuck me like the dirty pig slut I am_".

Bill responded to this by punching Liquid in the head, knocking him out.

"He shall die a thousand deaths"! Bill declaired. "And so shall his friends"!

"Christ"! Scooby yelled. "If we somehow make it out of this alive, Liquid is never alowed to leave the airship ever again... if I don't kill him first, that is"! "I mean, come on, how is it possible for one man to piss off so many people"? "Hitler didn't even have this many enemies"!

"SILENCE"! Bill ordered. "For the crimes of Liquid, he and all of you shall be executed buffet style". "You will be shot, stabbed, burned, gased, keeled under, evicerated, drawn and quartered, electrocuted, hung, beheaded, and drowned".

"Holy crap". Ashley whispered.

"Don't worry, Ashley". Leon replied. "I'll save us".

He pulled at his ropes, then Ashley rolled her eyes as he started rolling around on the ground, making strange grunting noises as he thrashed about.

"What's wrong with him"? Another pig creature asked.

"Not sure". Bill replied. "But I'm starting to think that ending this one's life would be more mercy then murder".

They watched Leon thrash about for another minute, then they pulled out their hunting knives, and prepared for the executions.

"I guess this is it". Leon said as he stopped thrashing. "I love you, Ashley".

Ashley smiled, and then kicked him in the mouth.

"Ok then". Bill continued. "Liquid first".

They turned around for the kill and raised their knives...

...but Liquid was gone.

They looked around for a second, but then an arrow suddenly flew right into Bill's skull, killing him instantly.

"VILLAGERS"! Another pig creature screamed. "RUN"!

But it was too late. A thousand arrows flew after them as they ran, and soon all the pig creatures were dead. A second later a group of people entered the clearing.

"Uh, hi". Jill said. "Thanks for saving us".

"You are the ones who travel with Liquid"? One of them asked.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME"? Scooby screamed. "They actually fight over who gets to kill him"?

"I wanna go home". Tiggr sobbed.

"You don't have a home"! Rebecca yelled.

"Oh yeah, that's right". "I should go find one".

Tiggr started to crawl away, but a villager stopped him by stepping on his tail.

"Bring them to the village". Another villager ordered.

Everyone kicked and struggled as they were dragged through another small section of forest, and finally into the small village.

"Where are you taking us"? Jill asked.

"To the head of our village". He replied. "She has ordered that the companions of Liquid be brought in".

"She"? Scooby asked. "It can't be good for us if it's a woman who knows Liquid".

They were dragged into a large wooden house, and inside they found a beautiful woman...making out with Liquid.

"Unexpected doesn't quite describe this". Jill said.

"Yeah". Rebecca replied. "Why isn't she trying to stab him"?

"Oh, damn it". Liquid said as he saw them. "I mean, thank god that the villagers rescued you in time".

"Who is this"? Leon asked as their ropes were cut. "And why isn't she trying to kill you"?

"I". The woman replied. "Am Princess Peach, ruler of the mushroom kingdom". "This little vacation spot is the only place in the damn world where I don't have to worry about getting stalked by creepy little itailian plumbers named Mario, the god damn greasy bastard just couldn't understand that I was attracted to Bowser, but that was a long time ago". "And why would I want to hurt Liquid"?

Everyone's jaws dropped.

"Are you fucking serious"? Tiggr asked. "You don't want to hurt him at all"?

"Well, sometimes". Peach replied. "But only in a good way".

"You're the best, Peach". Liquid replied. "Say, can we crash here for a few...uh... until we aren't being hunted anymore"?

"Sure, anything for my sweet little Liquid".

Scooby rubbed his eyes as they kissed again, but then the door was kicked open, and a nurse ran in.

"He's awake"! She yelled. "The man wearing the SOLDIER uniform who washed up on shore"!

The nurse then left, leaving everyone stairing.

"SOLDIER"? Jill whispered.

She and Rebecca looked at eachother, and then they ran after the nurse.


	7. Survivor Of North Crater

They ran out of the house, and followed the nurse to another building which they identified as the hospital based on the large red cross over the door.

"Chris"? Jill called as they ran inside.

Suddenly a very creepy looking doctor stepped in their path.

"Welcome". He said. "I am Dr. Zarkov".

Thunder crashed, and dramatic music played.

"Is Chris here"? Rebecca asked.

"Perhaps". Zarkov replied. "There is a young man in the next room who claims that his name is Chris, but he is not in very good condition, you see".

"What do you mean"?

He puled the curtain away, revealing Chris in the next bed. He was tied down, while wearing a straint jacket along with a hannible lector mask.

"IT WAS HORRIBLE"! Chris screamed. "IT HAD LONG TENTACLES, AND THE GLOWING ROBOT WANTED TO KILL ME, WHILE THE PRIEST WANTED TO GIVE ME THE BAD TOUCH"! "I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A KIT KAT BAR, BUT H WOULDN'T LISTEN"!

Dr. Zarkov put the curtain back, and sadly faced the group.

"I'm afraid that your friend has become". He explained. "A jibbering idiot".

Everyone gasped and thunder crashed again.

"Good, so he's normal". Liquid said as he walked in. "Let's get him out of here before this quack tries to stiff us with the bill".

"I understand your stress". Zarkov continued as he walked over to Liquid. "So here, have a little something for the pain".

He took out a syrenge, stuck it into a vein, and injected it.

"But that's your vein". Liquid said.

"Yes". Zarkov said as he fell backwards. "I knowwwwwwwwww".

The doctor was out cold, leaving everyone standing there like morons.

"Oh well". Liquid continued. "That's what you get for hiring a god damn forigner for a doctor". "SO I GUESS IT'S UP TO US"!

"Right". Leon said as he opened the curtain.

"What are you doing"? Everyone asked.

"How dare you ask such a thing"? Liquid replied. "It is more then obvious that I, with my trusty assistant Leon, am about to perform life saving surgery on this poor soul".

"You're gonna WHAT"?! Chris screamed.

"Sedate the patient"!

Leon punched Chris in the head, making him see stars. Then Liquid grabbed the diffibulator, and cranked it up to full.

"This here is ground breaking medicine". Liquid explained. "Now that the patient has been sedated, we are moving on to phase 1, which is electroshock therepy".

He moved toward Chris, but Ashley grabbed his arm.

"Hold it"! She ordered. "You aren't a doctor, how do you know that this won't kill him"?

"For your information". Liquid replied. "I had the game Operation as a kid, and I've seen every episode of MASH, Scrubs, House, Doogie Houser, and ER even though that show really sucked after George Clooney left, so I would say that I am a bit overqualified for the job". "And as to your question of weither or not it will kill him...

He suddenly stuck the panals to her chest, making her scream as she was rocketed across the room.

"You see"? Liquid asked as she collapsed. "Perfectly safe". "Now onto our surgery".

He turned around and jammed the panals into Chris's chest, making the lights dim across the entire village.

"Ok, that should do it". Liquid said as he tossed the panals away. "The rest is up to god".

"No mommy". Chris slurred. "I don't want to go to school today".

"My god, he's delirious"! "We have to act fast"!

"Wait"! Rebecca yelled. "You said the rest is up to god"!

"Damn it, woman"! "The difference between a doctor and god is that god doesn't think he's a fighter pilot"!

"That doesn't even make sence"!

"It doesn't have to, the point is that there are human lives at stake"! "Now get me 200 thousand CC's of adrenaline"!

"Ok, that's enough". "Barry, show these two the door".

A second later Leon and Liquid were booted out the door, giving them each a mouthful of dirt.

"Now get out of here". Rebecca ordered. "Chris saved my life, so I can't let you kill him right now, er, ever". "So I want you two assclowns to take off for a few days while he recovers, then come back because we need the airship".

She slammed the door, knocking the red cross to the ground as they got up.

"That went well". Leon said. "So what do we do now"?

"Not sure". Liquid replied. "But whatever we do, we better do it before that love potion I used on Princess Peach wears off".

"What"?

Suddenly the door to Peach's house flew open, and there stood one pissed princess.

"GUARDS"! She screamed.

Suddenly a dozen villagers tackled them, and a cloud of smoke gathered as they fought, but when it cleared, it was revealed that the villagers were only beating eachother.

"What the"? Peach asked. "Where is he"?

She looked around for a second and spotted two bushes heading for the forest.

"GET THEM"! She screamed.

Leon and Liquid dropped the disguises, and ran into the forest as the villagers persued.


	8. Don't Desturb Ruby Weapon

Dozens of arrows filled the sky as the Highwind rose into the air, and took off like a shot.

"Holy crap". Liquid said as he turned the wheel. "A bit too close for comfort, huh"?

"I'll say". Leon whined as he looked at the arrow stuck in his ass cheek.

"Oh, thanks for taking that arrow for me". "Way to be a team player".

"You tossed me in the way"!

"And you did your duty by stepping up and taking that arrow like a man, now let me take a look at it".

Leon turned around, and then he screamed bloody murder as Liquid ripped the arrow out of his ass.

"Well, that was easy". Liquid said as he tossed it away. "Oh, and try not to get any blood on the deck, ok"?

Liquid went back to driving, and Leon became angry as music began to play.

"That's it, I've had it". Leon sang. "I hate to be dramatic, but it's time for me to fly the coup". "Terrific, fine, I'm drawin the line, before I wind up as a Leon soup". "I turned the other cheek, and a busted beak is the only thanks that I get". "I was a fool to let you run the show, I'm cuttin you loose pal, look out below". "Arebaderchi, saleve, hope all goes well... I'm lookin out for me".

Liquid took a drink from his flask as the music stopped, and kept looking forward as Leon came up behind him.

"You see, Liquid". Leon said. "This world is like an old goose ready for plucking, and I'm the one holding the tweezers". "Hell, I'll be runnin this place inside a week". "What's that... you don't think I can do it"?

The music began playing again.

"Ok, I'm little". Leon sang. "Been playin second fiddle, and I don't get no respect". "BUT I DON'T NEED NOBODY ELSE"! "Don't need you pal, I'll cover my own tail". "I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF"! "You know it just don't pay to give a hoot, I gave it all my heart, what do I get, the boot". "I'm through with that, I'm flappin free". "From here on innnnnnnnnn, I'm lookin out for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee".

"Huh"? Liquid asked as the music stopped. "Did you say something, Leon"?

Leon's jaw dropped, and he was about to say something, when the radio sudenly came to life.

"ATTENTION ALL SHINRA FORCES". It said. "SECURITY TEAMS ASSIGNED TO OVERSEE THE COLLECTION OF HUGE MATERIA FROM FORT CONDOR, MT. CORAL, AND JUNION UNDERWATER REACTOR ARE REQUIRED TO REPORT TO THEIR SUPERVISORS AT ONCE FOR BRIEFING". "THAT IS ALL".

"What's huge materia"? Leon asked.

"Who cares"? Liquid replied. "Let's go back to Costa De Sol, and on the way we can hit Gold Saucer".

(FLASHBACK)

Darkseid punched Liquid in the head one more time as the bell rang, making him fall into his corner.

"There's like...three of him". Liquid said.

"That's ok". Rebecca replied. "Hit the one in the middle".

The bell rang again, and Liquid was pushed back into the ring just in time to recieve a punch to the face that made him do a back flip before crashing to the mat.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"On second thought". Liquid continued. "Forget Gold Saucer".

"Maybe we should ckeck out this huge materia stuff". Leon replied. "It might be valuable".

"Yeah, but that would require work and... did you say valuable"?

"Sure". "I mean, it's probably rare, and rare means valuable, right"?

Liquid thought for a second, and then began turning the wheel again.

"Leon". He said. "This is one of thoes few times in your life that you make me proud". "So here's the plan: we go to thoes locations, steal whatever these huge materia things are, kill the wittnesses, and sell the loot to the highest bidder".

Liquid turned the Highwind around, and after crossing a small ocean, the desert surrounding gold saucer came into view.

"Ok". Liquid said. "After we cross this desert we should just be a hop, skip, and a jump from Mt. Coral". "Then once we get the huge materia, we will go...

Suddenly something shiny and red on the desert floor caught his eye.

"Captain Liquid"? Leon asked.

"Detour". Liquid replied. "I think I saw a ruby down there".

The Highwind came to a stop, and slowly set down a short distance away from the large red stone. Then Liquid and Leon climbed down from the airship, and began walking toward it.

"My god". Leon said. "Look at the size of that thing".

"Yeah". Liquid replied. "Let's just get it back to the airship before anyone else finds out about it".

The red stone was as big as they were, so it was no surprise when they were unable to move it.

"Christ, it's heavy"! Liquid exclaimed. "Try kicking it, maybe it's stuck in the dirt".

Leon shrugged, and gave it a kick, then the whole desert seemed to start shaking as the red stone began rising from underground, revealing that it was alot bigger then meets the eye.

As it rose up to it's full skyscraper height, it became obvious that it was no stone, but one of the monsters known as Weapon.

"HOLY FUCK"! They screamed.

They tried to run, but it grabbed them, one in each hand, and lifted them up to it's head.

"WHO DESTURBS MY SLUMBER"?! It demanded.

Liquid and Leon quickly pointed to eachother.

"I SHOULD SQUASH YOU BOTH RIGHT HERE"! It continued. "BUT I WANNA GO BACK TO SLEEP, SO I'LL LET YOU COCKSUCKERS OFF WITH A WARNING THIS TIME"! "BUT KNOW THIS, IF YOU EVER BOTHER ME AGAIN, I'LL FUCKING STOMP YOUR HEAD CLEAR OUT YOUR ASS, YOU DIG"?!

They nodded.

"GOOD"! Weapon continued. "NOW GO"!

It tossed them across the desert, making them roll across the ground once they landed. But they stopped next to the Highwind, so they dragged themselves inside as Weapon sank back into the sands.

"What the hell just happened"? Leon asked.

"Don't know". Liquid replied as he fired up the engines. "But we're getting the hell out of here before it happens again.

Weapon vanished under the sand as the Highwind sped off toward Mt. Coral.


	9. Coral Huge Materia

Soon the desert landscape faded into grassland, and a few monents later the ruins of North Coral came into view as they flew toward the mountains.

"Ok, here's the plan". Liquid said. "Once we reach the reactor we will ambush the guards, and steal whatever this huge materia is".

"We're just gonna attack"? Leon asked. "Do you really think that will work"?

"Oh course it will". "Only a moron would risk a frontal assault on an entire shinra convoy, so the guards won't be expecting a thing".

Leon thought for a second.

"Wow". He said. "That might just be crazy enough to work".

"Glad you agree, because we're here".

Leon stumbled into the wall as the Highwind did a nosedive. It then leveled off, and they jumped out, before taking cover behind some rocks.

"Ok, so far so good". Liquid whispered. "The reactor is about 50 meters away from us, so next time the guards open the train loading doors you are gonna rush out like a fricken psycopath, thereby keeping the main defence force busy while I sneak in and grab the loot before anyone even realises I was there".

"And before they kill me, right"? Leon asked.

"Uh... sure, yeah, of course". "Now ready, go".

Leon cleared his throat, then he drew his zapper, and screamed like a madman as he dove around the rocks and ran toward the guards.

"Hey, Joe". A guard said. "What am I looking at, here"?

The other guard looked, and saw Leon charging at them from afar.

"Well". He replied. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that he was... no, nobody's that stupid... he couldn't be... I guess he is, so let's give him another 50 yards so that he'll be completely out of breath when we light his ass up".

Leon continued to scream and run at them while firing wildly with his zapper, but then he started slowing down more and more, until he fell to his knees completely out of breath.

"Damn it". He gasped. "I thought that was closer".

"Ok". Joe said. "Light him up".

The other guard raised his rifle, putting Leon's face in the center of his scope.

"Bye, bye, assclown". He said as he flipped the safety off.

He was about to pull the trigger, when the loading doors suddenly exploded behind him, and a large shinra train came barreling out.

The two guards were instantly flattened, and as the train flew past Leon, Liquid leaned out and grabbed him by the jacket collar and dragged him inside.

The other guards fired their rifles and chased after them, but the train was too fast and quickly vanished down the mountain railroad.

"Wow, that was close". Liquid said. "For a second I didn't know if I was gonna make it".

"You planned to rescue me the whole time"? Leon asked.

"No, I meant that I really had to pee when I got into the reactor, and I just barely made it to the bathroom before the pressure became too great". "Rescuing you was pure chance, but better lucky then good any day, right"? "And besides, I found this thing".

He opened a small box that was labeled HUGE MATERIA, and Leon staired stupidly at the soccorball-size yellow gem inside.

"Oooooo, pretty". He said. "Hey, don't these tracks stop at North Coral"?

"Yeah, so"? Liquid replied as he closed the box.

"Aren't you going a bit fast"?

Oh, don't worry about that, I'll just use the hand break, here, and stop this train well before it anniahlites the remnants of that town".

Liquid grabbed the hand break and pulled, breaking it off in his hand.

They both looked at it for a second, and then started screaming.

"Wait a second". Liquid said. "I'm an officer, and supposed to stay calm, therefore I need you to panic enough for us both".

Leon started screaming louder, and running around in a circle. Liquid then punched him in the head, knocking him on his ass.

"This is no time to panic". Liquid said.

"Uh, ok". Leon replied as he got up.

"It is important to remain... calm".

"I know, so what to we do"?

"Everything will be... fine... just stay... calm".

"Ok, too easy, so what should we do"?

"DON'T PANIC"! "I WILL NOT TOLERATE PANIC"!

Suddenly the town of North Coral appeared in the distance, making their jaws drop.

"WE GOTTA JUMP"! Liquid screamed as he opened the door.

"Hold it"! Leon replied. "How do you know that we won't get killed by the fall"?

Liquid thought for a second, then he shoved Leon out the door, making him scream as he fell, struck the ground, and rolled to a stop.

"Good enough for me". Liquid said as he put his goggles over his eyes. "GERONAMO"!

He dove out, struck the ground, and rolled to a stop just as the train was entering what was left of the town.

"Captain Liquid"! Leon called as he stumbled over to him. "Are you alright"?

"Yeah, sure". Liquid replied as he removed the goggles.

"Where's the huge materia"?

"I thought you had it".

They both looked back toward the train.

At that moment the train flew off the tracks, and rolled across the town, demolishing every building that had been left standing. Then it flew off of the mountain, and crashed into the desert just as ruby weapon was looking up from the sand.

It struck ruby, and the resulting huge materia explosion not only destroyed the monster, but sent a shockwave that provided the finishing blow to the remnants of north coral.

They looked at the destruction for a second, then took off running back down the tracks toward the Highwind.


	10. Fort Condor Huge Materia

After reaching the airship, Liquid and Leon quickly took to the sky to avoid any links to them and the destruction of the already destroyed North Coral.

"North Coral"? Liquid asked. "Never heard of it".

"North Coral"? Leon asked. "Is that a tropical resort"?

"No, that's Costa De Sol".

"Oh, then I have no idea what North Coral is".

The Highwind continued beyond the mountains, then across the ocean, and over Junion harbor.

"Ok, let's try this again". Liquid said. "In a few minutes we will reach Fort Condor, and if I remember right, it is guarded by a bunch of spartans".

"SPARTANS"?! Leon exclaimed.

"Relax, they are still locked in a never ending battle with a bunch of monsters called Chub Chubs, so it should be easy for us to enter the reactor from the roof, grab the huge materia, and be out before you can say HOLY SHIT"!

As they moved to land on the reactor, a giant bird craned it's neck, and headbutted the airship, making it spin out of conrol.

"Where did that come from"? Liquid asked as he fought the controls. "I don't remember any giant bird"!

(FLASHBACK)

"And if you look up". The tour guide said. "You will see the giant fricken condor that lives on top of this reactor, hence the name Fort Condor". "Man, I feel sorry for any jackess that tries to land an airship up there".

"Whatever". Liquid grumbled as he turned up his headphones. "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy".

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Oh, that's right". Liquid said as he regained control. "A giant condor protects the top of the reactor". "It is truly a wonderful and exotic bird that is endangered, and one of a kind, so LOAD TORPEDO TUBES"!

A few minutes later the airship moved back toward the reactor, and staired the condor down.

"You got three seconds to move, bird". Liquid said over the intercom. "One".

He then hit the button, launching 5 torpedos at the top of the reactor.

"Bye, bye, birdy". Liquid laughed as the projectiles screamed toward their target. "Did you order original recipe or extra crispy, MUAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"Uh, Captain Liquid"? Leon asked. "What is that shiny thing under the condor"?

Liquid looked for a second.

"Oh, that"? He asked. "That must be the huge materia... OH MY GOD"!

He cranked the wheel to the right, and opened the throttle all the way just as the torpedos reached their target. The resulting huge materia explosion not only incinerated the giant condor, but also exploded the entirety of Fort Condor, killing all of the spartans and chub chubs.

Then the shockwave struck the fleeing airship, making Liquid and Leon scream as it spiraled out of control, shooting blindly across the sky.

It took both of them using all of their strength to control the wheel, eventually regaining control somewhere over the ocean.

"Leon". Liquid calmly said.

"Yes, Captain"? Leon asked as he let go of the wheel.

"When you see a highly explosive compound directly under something I'm about to fry, you need to tell me BEFORE I PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON"!

Liquid then let go of the wheel, and kicked Leon in the nuts, lifting him an inch off the ground before he collapsed to the floor.

Suddenly the radio came to life.

"ATTENTION ALL SHINRA PERSONAL". The voice said. "UNKNOWN TERRORISTS ARE TARGETING THE HUGE MATERIA STOREHOUSES ACROSS THE WORLD". "THESE COCKSUCKERS ARE EXTREMLY EFFICIENT, AND INGENIOUS".

Liquid and Leon looked at eachother before bursting out with laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY"! The voice screamed. "REMAIN ON SPECIAL ALERT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, AND ALL UNASSIGNED PERSONEL ARE TO REPORT TO THE JUNION UNDERWATER REACTOR IN ORDER TO PROVIDE ADDITIONAL SECURITY". "THAT IS ALL".

The radio cut off, leaving them in silence.

"It would seem that they are on to us". Liquid said. "We may need some help for this next attempt".

"You mean"? Leon asked.

"That's right, we are off to mexico in order to recruit the most cut throat bandehos in the land". "All we have to do is give them your sister".

"But, I don't have a sister".

"THEN WHAT GOOD ARE YOU"?! "DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING"?!

"Why don't we just go back to that village, and pick up the others"?

Liquid thought for a second.

"No, I have a better idea". He replied. "How about we go back to the village, and pick up the others"?

"But I already thought of that".

"Then you should have said something earlier".

Leon gritted his teeth and started jumping up and down out of frustration.

"I share your enthusiasm". Liquid said. "Now let's do this".

He cranked the wheel to the left, making Leon stumble into the wall as the airship took off back toward where the others had been left.


	11. Introducing Ultima Weapon

"You gotta get me out of here"! Chris yelled as he pulled on his restraints. "Rebecca, please, these people are crazy"!

"Poor Chris". Rebecca said. "He's delerious, and speaking in jibberish".

"No I'm not"! "Please get me out of here"! "I tell you that these people are evil"! "Hell, when everyone is gone they piss in a cup and throw it at you"!

"That is a lie". The nurse replied. "We do that right in front of everyone".

She then grabbed a cup off the tray, and tossed it at Chris, making him scream as the yellow liquid splashed all over him.

"Poor guy". Jill said. "He's so messed up in the head that he can't distinguish fantasy from reality". "... we may have to pull the plug".

"WHAT"?! Chris screamed.

She picked up a pillow, and Chris screamed as she moved it toward his face, but they were interupted when the door opened, and Ashley walked in.

"You're not gonna believe this, Jill". Ashley said. "They're back already".

"Who"? Jill asked.

"Liquid and Leon". "I told them to go away, but they insist on talking to you outside".

"JUMPIN FUCK"! "DO I HAVE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING AROUND HERE"?!

She pushed Ashley out of the way, and stormed outside to see Liquid and Leon waiting across the street.

"What is your god damn problem"? She demanded as she walked up to them. "I told you assholes to stay gone for a few days, yet not a day later you show up". "I mean, was I speaking in fucking german when I ousted you"?

"Ok, first off". Liquid replied. "You can take your feminist lesbien power trip and cram it up your ass, ok"? "Second of all, we discovered some top secret shinra plot involving a highly explosive substance called huge materia and we came here to get some assistance in obtaining the last one before it's gone".

"You are a real piece of work, Liquid, you know that"? "But atleast now we know who the radio was talking about when they mentioned two morons trying to destroy the huge materia". "But, how can you come back here knowing damn well that Princess Peach has ordered you to be shot on sight"?

"Oh, didn't anyone tell you"? "Peach mysteriously vanished around the same time that we got here".

"What did you do to her"?

"Nothing at all". "There IS a slight possibility that she could have been murdered and buried somewhere in the forest, but what are the odds of that happening"? "But that's in the past, and I prefer to look toward the future". "In fact, I even got this extra large meat lovers pizza to show that bygons are bygons".

Jill looked, and saw a pizza box sitting on a large rock.

She was about to say something else, but then a loud roar filled the sky, and a large black and purple dragon looking thing appeared above the village.

"Another Weapon"? Leon asked as it flew in circles. "Just how many of these things are there"?

The people of the village panicked, screaming and running away as the monster came in for a landing.

"WELL, WELL". It roared. "WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE"? "A SMALL VILLAGE READY TO BE BURNED TO THE FUCKING GROUND"?

It laughed hysterrically as it came down, but as it landed, it's massive left foot crushed the pizza box.

"My pizza"! Liquid yelled. "YOU SON OF A BITCH"!

He extended his spear and ran at the creature, then he used it as a pole-valt in order to come at Weapon with a flying kick.

Weapon responded to this by swatting him out of the air, and laughing as he crashed to the ground.

"Oh, I get it". Liquid groaned as he retracted his spear. "You wanna play, huh"? "Ok, I got ya".

It took him a second to get to his feet, then he stumbled into the forest, moving away from the village.

"Where the hell is he going"? Jill asked. "Cowardly bastard"!

Weapon roared again, and the others ran out into the street.

"What's all the... HOLY SHIT"! Scooby yelled as they spotted Weapon.

"OK, FUCKERS"! Weapon roared. "LISTEN UP"! "IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR TOWN TO GO UP IN FLAMES, YOU BETTER GET ME EVERY SCRAP OF FRIED CHICKEN AROUND, AND THEN EVERY GIRL IN TOWN WHO RATES ATLEAST A 3 BETTER GET OUT HERE AND SHOW ME THEM BOOBIES"!

There was no obvious way to defeat Weapon, and it seemed like all was lost, but then another sound filled the air.

It was the sound of a missile, revealed as it flew into town, slammed into Weapon, and knocked the monster through a building.

Then the Highwind appeared.

"You like that"? Liquid asked over the intercom. "Well have some more"!

5 more missiles launched from the airship, and screamed toward the village.

"HOLY FUCK"! Weapon screamed as it got to it's feet.

The monster attempted to take flight, but it was too late. The missiles struck it in the back, blowing away chunks of it's armor as it was sent back down.

"HA HA YOU PIZZA CRUSHING BASTARD"! Liquid screamed. "NOW TAKE THIS"!

Suddenly dozens of missiles came were launched, raining down on the village like the fricken wrath of god as the villagers tried to escape.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING"?! Rebecca screamed. "HE'LL KILL US ALL"!

"He doesn't care"! Leon replied. "JUST RUN"!

Everyone took off for the forest, but Rebecca went back for Chris, and Jill followed.

"What are you doing"? Jill yelled as they ran for the hospital.

"The way I see it". Rebecca replied. "God looks after fools, children, and people named Chris". "So since Chris is a fool with the mind of a child, there is no safer place on this planet then right next to him".

They ran into the hospital, and ripped Chris out of his restraints.

"You came back"! He yelled. "OH THANK GOD"!

They dragged him out the door, but suddenly the ground began to shake from the Highwind's missiles.

"That asshole"! Rebecca yelled. "If this keeps up, the whole village is gonna

She was interupted by Weapon exploding, causing a bright flash, and covering the whole town with smoke. And when the smoke cleared, all that remained of the village was a newly created lake.

Jill, Rebecca, and Chris were gone.


	12. Past Revelations

Jill opened her eyes, and realised that she was underwater, but when she tried to swim up, she also realised that she was being pulled down by a large tentacle wrapped around her waist.

She struggled against it to no avail, but just when she was about to run out of air, she was pulled into an air pocket of some kind. Chris and Rebecca were also there, but so was the gigantic creature that the tentacles were connected to.

"You again"? The gravemind asked. "I thought I told you to stay out".

"Oh, look who's back". Another man trapped by a tentacle said. "Hello again, little boy". "Would you like another kit kat bar"? "All you have to do is reach into my pocket and

"And destroy all organic life"! A robot in another tentacle screamed. "My only goal in life is to anihalate everything alive... father would be so proud".

"SILENCE"! Gravemind screamed as he cast the robot and priest into darkness.

"Um". Rebecca said. "Excuse me".

"THERE ARE NO EXCUSES"! "I told this little cocksucker what would happen if he ever brought his ignorance within a milion miles of me ever again"!

"Christ, Chris"! Jill yelled. "What the hell did you do to him"?

"He displayed such ignorance and stupidity that I was caused physcal pain, and now to pay him back I shall show his little girlfriends what really happened in nibelhelm 5 years ago".

Jill and Rebecca gasped, but Chris started laughing.

"HA"! Chris yelled. "I already told them what happened, because I'm a hardcore ex shinra SOLDIER first class mercenary with balls of solid rock, and a dick that would make a fricken elephant run for the hills because its just too damn big for

A smaller tentacle suddenly wrapped itself around Chris's mouth, shutting him up.

"Oh yeah"? Gravemind asked. "SOLDIER first class, you say"? "How about I begin with showing them what really happened when you attempted to join SOLDIER"?

Suddenly a blinding white light filled the air pocket.

(FLASHBACK)

Chris was wearing a shinra guard uniform as he walked down the main road of Junion.

"Oh boy, this is it". Chris said to himself. "I'm gonna sign up for SOLDIER and become so hardcore that you don't even know".

He reached the SOLDIER recruitment office, and stood in the line of potential recruites as they went in one by one after being questioned by the bouncer.

"I'm so excited". He said to himself. "And I just can't hide it". "I'm about to lose control and I think I like it".

About an hour passed with some recruites going in, and others running away crying, then at last Chris's turn came, and he was about to step up to the bouncer when suddenly a drunken Liquid pushed in front of him.

"Hold on there, skippy". The bouncer said. "You ain't getting in until you show me how tough you are".

Liquid responded to this by kicking him in the nuts, and bashing his head against the wall, making him fall to the ground.

"BITCH"! Liquid screamed. "I WILL BOIL YOU IN HOT OIL IF YOU EVER TRY TO STOP ME FROM... wait a sec... this isn't the IHOP". "My bad, dude... just walk it off, you'll be ok".

Liquid stumbled away from the recruitment center, allowing Chris to step up as the bouncer was getting to his feet.

"Welcome to the SOLDIER center". The bouncer said. "How tough are ya"?

"How tough am I"? Chris asked. "If you would just allow me the use of an unopened jar of pickles, please"?

The bouncer handed him the jar, and Chris summoned all of his strength in preparation for the incredible challenge before him. Then he gritted his teeth and twisted the lid with all of his might...

...nothing.

"If I could...um". Chris stammered. "If I could just run this under some warm water...

"Ok, look kid". The bouncer replied. "SOLDIER isn't for everyone, so I think you would be better suited to hang out at that place across the street over there".

Chris looked, and he saw the building.

"Weenie hut juniors"? He asked. "No way will I ever be caught in a sissy place like that".

5 minutes later.

"Welcome to weenie hut juniors". The bartender said as Chris sat down. "What can I get ya, weenie"?

"I AM NOT A WEENIE"! Chris screamed.

"Sure you're not". "Look, only two kinds of people come to weenie hut juniors". "Weenies, or drunks who just can't seem to find the IHOP".

"I LOOKED EVERYWHERE"! Liquid sobbed. "DAMN YOU, IHOP"!

(FLASHFORWARD)

The blinding white light faded away, leaving everyone in awe.

"So Chris never joined SOLDIER"? Rebecca asked. "How is that possible"?

"It's true". Jill sadly replied. "Chris was not among the two men from SOLDIER that I met 5 years ago".

Dramatic music played and thunder crashed.

"All will become clear". Gravemind explained. "As I show you now the events which led up to the incident known as the Sephiroth maccacre".


	13. Nibelhelm Reality

The blinding white light came again.

(FLASHBACK)

The shinra truck flew down the road, swirving all over on it's was to nibelhelm. In the back Sephiroth was sitting on some boxes, a rookie was trying not to lose his lunch, and a man in a gas mask was doing squats.

"What are we gonna do today, Sephiroth"? He asked.

"The same thing we always do, Hunk". Sephiroth replied. "Try to take over the world, er, we are going to nibelhelm to investigate a reactor that is producing monsters". "And besides I need a new pair of high heels because my old ones are worn, see"?

Sephiroth showed Hunk his heels and stockings, then the truck swirved to the right, making the rookie scream as he was thrown against the wall.

"Jesus, who is driving this thing"? Hunk asked.

Meanwhile the rookie's mask had fallen off when he crashed, and he slowly got to his feet, revealing that the rooki was...

...Chris.

Hunk then grabbed him, and lifted him to his feet.

"BITCH"! Hunk screamed. "How can you be expected to be a member of shinra's finest clean up crew if you can't even stay on your feet"?!

"I'm sorry, Sir"! Chris yelled.

"Damn right, you're sorry"! "You're the sorriest piece of shit that I've ever had the misfortion of working with in my entire life, AND NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PEANLTY"!

He punched Chris in the mouth, knocking him down, then Hunk started kicking him as Chris begged for mercy.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Oh my god". Rebecca said as the white light went away. "This is starting to make sence".

Chris bit the tentacle on his mouth, making it jerk away.

"IT'S A LIE"! He screamed. "I AM A HARDCORE EX-SOLDIER MER

Three more tantacles silenced him, and Rebecca looked at Jill.

"Is this all true"? She asked.

"Yes". Jill replied. "Then they arrived at the village".

The white light came again.

(FLASHBACK)

"Hurry up, Rookie"! Hunk ordered as they reached town.

Sephiroth and Hunk waited impatiently as Chris slowly carried all the bags. He managed to get his mask back on before anyone from town could see him, then he followed Hunk and Sephiroth to the inn.

"Move your ass, rookie"! Hunk ordered as Chris followed him upstairs with the bags. "This ain't no pleasure cruise, sweetheart"!

He took the bags into the room, and dropped them. This angered Hunk, and he was about to beat his ass, when he looked out the window and saw Jill standing outside.

"Hey, rookie". Hunk said. "Isn't that the girl who's picture you always carry around"?

"Yes, sir". Chris replied. "That's Jill, the girl that I've had a secret crush on for years, and now that I'm home again I'm gonna tell her how I feel".

"No you're not, because I'm about to fuck her so good that she'll become a lesbien because no man will ever be able to give her what I can".

"DON'T TOUCH HER"!

Chris charged at him, but Hunk put his hand on Chris's forhead, and laughed as his punches didn't even come close. Hunk then pushed him back, and kicked him in the stomach, sending him down.

Hunk left the room, and by the time Chris got to his feet, Hunk was already talking to Jill.

"It's ok, Chris". He said to himself. "Jill isn't like that, she would never have sex with a complete...

He hung his head as Jill led Hunk into her house.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"So you just had sex with this guy"? Rebecca asked as the white light faded away.

"Hell yeah, I did". Jill replied. "In every room of my house again, and again, and again".

"Ok, so what did Chris do during all this time"?

The white light came again.

(FLASHBACK)

"Mom"? Chris asked as he opened the door.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in". His mother replied. "3 years and not so much as a postcard"? "GET THE FUCK OUT"!

She tossed a vase, shattering it on his head, and making him stumble back into the street where he passed out.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Poor Chris". Rebecca said as the light faded. "I feel bad for him".

"You think that's bad"? Gravemind asked. "Wait till you see what happened on the day of the mission".


	14. The Sephiroth Incident

Rebecca was about to ask another question, but the white light was upon them before she could.

(FLASHBACK)

Chris hurried as fast as he could to put his uniform on, and he was already running late, so he was trying to put his shinra guard mask on as he ran down the inn's stairs. This blinded him, making him miss a step and and scream as he rolled down the stairs.

"Please come again". The bellboy said as he opened the door.

Chris rolled outside, and came to a stop after crashing into a fire hydrant.

"I'm ok". He said as he got up.

Once the world stopped spinning, he walked to the meeting spot, and arrived just as Sephiroth and Hunk were about to take a picture with Jill.

Hunk suddenly kicked Jill's dad in the nuts, then he pushed him to the ground and laughed as he got a high five from Sephiroth.

"Come on, guys". Chris said. "You can't treat people this way". "Shouldn't we be trying to win the people's hearts and minds so that they learn to rust us"?

Hunk and Sephiroth looked at him for a second, and then started laughing as they got ready for the picture.

(FLASHFORWARD)

The white light again faded.

"IT'S A LIE"! Chris screamed as he fought the tentacles. "THE GRAVEMIND IS A LIER"! "A DIRTY LIER WITH PANTS CONSTANTLY ON FIRE"!

"SILENCE"! Gravemind ordered as more tentacles silenced him.

"So that poor rookie was Chris all along"? Jill asked. "I had no idea". "And they were so horrible to him".

"And you were nice"?

The white light came again.

(FLASHBACK)

Outside the reactor, Sephiroth kicked Chris in the ribs, waking him up.

"Jesus, rookie, wake the hell up"! He yelled. "I need you to watch the girl"!

"I'm going with you". Jill said.

"No you're not".

"Why not"?

"Because a woman's place is in the home". "Yeah, you heard me right, but what can you do about it, little girl"?

Jill gritted her teeth for a second, and then kicked Chris in the nuts.

"Damn". Hunk said. "What brought that on"?

"Well, you two could probably kill me". She replied. "But this guy's a wimp, and I have to take my anger out on someone".

"Fair enough". Sephiroth said. "Let's go inside".

Hunk and Sephiroth walked into the reactor, giving Jill pleanty of time to stomp Chris's ass.

"Woman's place is in the home, huh"? She asked as she stomped him. "I'll show thoes two cocksu

She was interupted by the screams of a lunitic, and a few minutes later Sephiroth came running outside.

"IT'S JOE PESHI"! He screamed as he ran past them. "I WAS CREATED THE SAME WAY"! "COKE AND PEPSI ARE THE SAME THING"! "AHHHHHHHH"!

He vanished down the path toward nibelhelm, and Chris got to his feet just in time to be knocked back down by Hunk as he chased Sephiroth.

"Beat feet, rookie"! Hunk yelled as he ran. "That heel wearing freak has done lost his mind"!

(FLASHFORWARD)

"We all know what happened next". Gravemind said as the white light faded. "Sephiroth discovered the truth about his creation, and Nibelhelm burned for it".

"But what happened to Sephiroth"? Rebecca asked. "When he vanished for 5 years, where did he go"?

"You shall see".

The white light came.

(FLASHBACK)

"Mother, I'm home"! Sephiroth called as he reached the Jenova door.

Suddenly Jill ran up the stairs behind him, with a sword. She swung it, but the blade fell off because it had been made in china.

"Oh, shit". She said as she looked at it. "I don't suppose that we can talk about this"?

Sephiroth responded by kicking her in the chest, sending her rolling down the stairs just as Hunk arrived.

"Jill"! He yelled as he ran to her. "What happened"?

"I'm so glad you're here"! She replied. "I knew that my big strong manly super stud with balls of steel would come to save me"!

"That's right baby, now just sit tight because daddy's got some ass kicking to dish out"!

Jill soon passed out, and Hunk got his weapons ready.

He ran up the stairs, and entered the Jenova room. Then there was some machine gun fire, and Hunk screamed as he was catipulted from the room.

He slammed into the far wall, and slumped unconsious to the floor just as Chris managed to drag himself into the room.

"I can't breathe in this thing"! Chris yelled as he tossed his mask away. "HOLY SHIT, JILL"!

He ran over to her, but she was still unconsious.

"Sephiroth". Chris whispered. "I will make you pay for this".

He grabbed the sword that Hunk always carried on his back, then he ran up the stairsjust in time to be booted in the chest by Sephiroth as he was exiting the room.

Chris stumbled backwards, and rolled down the stairs, coming to a stop next to Jill and Hunk.

"Well, well". Sephiroth said as he drew his sword. "The rookie wants to play, too"? "That's fine with me, but the game is for your life". "AHHHHHHHH"!

He leaped down the stairs with his sword raised, giving Chris just enough time to roll out of the way before the blade would have taken his fricken head off.

He ducked and dodged as he ran from Sephiroth's attacks, eventually finding his way to the catwalk above the reactor's chemical pool.

He tried to keep running, but Sephiroth grabbed him, and shoved him against the railing.

"AND NOWYOU DIE"! Sephiroth screamed as he swung the sword.

Chris screamed like a girl as he ducked down, causing Sephiroth to miss. The momentum made him start spinning, then he screamed himself as he fell over the railing, and vanished into the chemical pool.

"I did it"? Chris asked as he got up.

Suddenly a tazer was jammed into him from behind, and as he passed out, the turks came into view.

"Ah, good". Dr. Birkin said as he joined them. "After 23 attempts by 23 different shinra soldiers, this little pissant sent Sephiroth to his death from falling for 2300 feet into a mixture of 23 different shinra chemicals". "Place him and Hunk into tank number 23 in the shinra mansion lab for experimentation of the 23rd highest priority".

"What about the girl"? Jet Li asked.

"Throw her outside". "An odd number like her has no place in any of my 23 labratorys".

Birkin left without another word, and the turns began moving the new specimens away.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Ok, that's great". Rebecca said as the light faded. "So what happened to this Hunk guy"? "And how did Chris end up in his current situation"?

"I'm glad you asked". Gravemind replied. "Behold, the fate of SOLDIER first class Hunk"!


	15. SOLDIER First Class

The white light came again.

(FLASHBACK)

Down in the shinra mansion's basement labratory, Hunk and Chris were each unconsious inside of a large liquid filed test tube.

Suddenly the door was kicked open, and a scientist wheeled in today's food rations which were fed to them by an IV.

"Din, din". He said as he moved toward them. "I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver".

He walked up to Hunk's tank, and was hooking up the IV, when Hunk's eyes opened.

A second later he punched through the glass, and grabbed the scientist by the throat as the water drained out.

"OPEN IT"! He screamed. "OPEN IT OR I'll SODOMISE YOU AT BOTH ENDS"!

The scientist quickly entered the combination into the lock, and the glass opened.

"Good little bitch". Hunk said. "And now the rookie".

He forced the scientist over to Chris's tube, and a few seconds later the glass opened, letting the unconsious Chris fall to the floor as the water drained.

"Excellent". Hunk continued. "And until he wakes up, I should have pleanty of time to inflict your punishment".

"But I opened it"! The scientist yelled.

"I know you did". "BUT LET'S PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T"! "AHHHHHHHH"!

Chris heard screams as he woke up from the drug induced sleep, and when his eyes came into focus, Hunk was standing over a scientist who was crying in the fetal position.

"What happened to him"? Chris asked.

"Don't worry about it". Hunk replied. "Just get on your feet, and let's get the fuck out of here".

Hunk ran out the door as Chris got to his feet. Then he followed him out of the lab, down the hall, up the stairs, and out the front door to the still burned town.

"We need to find a ride". Hunk said as they walked toward the edge of town. "There"!

Chris looked, and saw a shinra police truck surrounded by guards.

"But". Chris said as he pointed. "But... but".

"But, but, but". Hunk mimiked. "What are you, a motorboat"? "Just watch this, rookie".

They walked over to the truck, and Hunk approached the guards.

"Hi". He said. "I'm SOLDIER third class Butch Cassedy, and this is my rookie beotch Sundance". "Our transport was destroyed, so can we get a ride with you guys"?

"Well". The guard said. "We just apprehended two known fellons, but I guess we can make room". "One of you can ride up front, and the other has to ride in the back with Madoola".

"Who's Madoola"? Chris asked.

As if on cue, the guards came around the corner with a 7 foot tall 300 pound jamacan in handcuffs. The jamacan was carrying a bodybag, which he dropped into the truck.

"This is Madoola". The guard said. "And that is his late brother". "Now don't let his voodoo mumbo jumbo scare you".

"Shotgun". Hunk said as he jumped into the passenger seat.

"Aw, man". Chris said as he and Madoola got into the back.

The guards shut and locked the door behind them, and a second later the truck started moving.

"Yama, yama, yaaaamaaaa". Madoola chanted. "Yama, yama, yaaaamaaaa".

Madoola then effortlessly snapped the handcuffs, making Chris jump back.

"Fools". Madoola said. "To think that they can kill the brother of Madoola".

"I never thought that". Chris quickly replied.

"I could reach into the belly of a yak, and pull out it's heart".

"And, um... would that bring your brother back to life"?

"No, man". "I'm hungry". "But THIS would bring back the dead".

He took a small pouch out of his pocket, opened it, and sprinkled a strange dust on the body bag. A second later a rumbling sound was heard, and Madoola laughed as the bodybag began to shake.

Suddenly there was the sound of an engine revving, and Chris turned white as a chainsaw blade began cutting out from inside of the bodybag.

He pissed himself as it finished cutting, and then the body sat up, wearing a hockey mask and screaming it's rage.

Chris screamed and ran into the door, breaking it down, and slamming onto the road as the truck spun out of control. A second later it crashed, and Hunk pulled himself out just before the explosion.

"How the fuck did that happen"? Hunk asked as he walked over to Chris. "So much for a stealthy getaway".

"Don't worry". Chris replied. "I bet that nobody even notices".

Suddenly there was the sound of a thousand guns cocking, and they slowly turned around to see roughly 10,000 shinra soldiers aiming at them.

"We have to fight, rookie"! Hunk yelled. "Here, use this".

He handed Chris his sword.

"A sword"? Chris asked. "A million armed men ready to shoot us down, and you hand me a god damn sword"?

"Exactly". Hunk replied. "Now you deflect their bullets with that sword while I shoot them one by one". "Ready, GO"!

Chris quickly dove behind a large rock as the shinra soldiers lit Hunk up like a fricken christmas tree, and once the gunfire stopped, Chris came out to see all of the shinra soldiers and Hunk dead.

"Oh my god". Chris said to himself. "He's dead... and so are they". "NOW I CAN TOTALLY STEAL THIS GUY'S IDENTITY"!

He quickly switched uniforms with the dead Hunk, fitting perfectly because they were the same size. Then he put the sword in it's sheath, and struck his hero pose.

"All hail me"! He yelled. "I am ex-SOLDIER first class Chris, and I'm a hardcore veteran of the Sephiroth incident, who defeated 10,000 shinra soldiers single handedly while still finding the time to deflower every girl over the age of 14 from here to midgar"! "...now where the hell am I"?

He looked around for a second, then he walked over to the edge of a cliff, and saw midgar below.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Wow, Chris". Jill said as the light faded. "All I can say is wow".

"And they all lived happily ever after". Gravemind said. "NOW GET THE FUCK OUT"!

Gravemind suddenly tossed Chris, Jill, and Rebecca away, and they screamed as they shot upward toward the lake's surface.


	16. Again To Junion

After what seemed like forever, they reached the surface, and coughed out water as they dragged themselves to shore.

"Are you guys alright"? Ashley asked. "You were down there for like an hour".

"What happened to this town"? Chris asked as he looked at the wreckage.

"Liquid happened". "He anniahlated this entire place in order to destroy weapon".

"WE MUST SEARCH FOR SURVIVORS"!

Chris quickly jumped to his feet, ran over to some wreckage, and pulled open an old refrigerator.

"My hero". The bearded lady said. "GET YOUR ASS IN HERE"!

Chris screamed as he was dragged inside, leaving the group to discuss their next move, but instead if planning, Rebecca told the whole story about what had been revealed to them by the gravemind.

1 hour later.

Everyone was rolling on the floor laughing when Chris finally managed to escape from the bearded lady. He kicked open the door, and ran out like a bat out of hell, collapsing to his knees once he reached the rest of the group.

"What did I miss"? Chris asked as he caught his breath.

"Everything, judging by that story". Liquid replied. "You are such a loser that I should kick you in the nuts... in fact, that's a pretty good idea".

He suddenly pulled his leg back, and kicked Chris in the nuts, dropping him to the ground as the others kept laughing.

"Ok, enough of the fun". Scooby said as Chris slowly got up. "Let's get back to business".

"Business"? Liquid asked.

"The huge materia". Leon whispered.

"The huge materia"! "Yes, we lost the other ones due to unfortionate accidents, but there is said to be one more inside the underwater reactor at junion harbor".

"Junion harbor"? Scooby asked. "The most heavily guarded shinra base outside of midgar itself, where we have already escaped from twice, and where we are to be shot on sight if spotted there"?

"Good, you know the place". "So here's the plan: We fly to junion, take the underwater passage into the reactor, steal the huge materia,and be gone before anyone even knows we were there".

"Are you fricken serious"? "That is the most assinine, ridiculous, moronic, suicidal plan that I have ever heard"!

"Yep, and it's just crazy enough to work".

"No, but it IS just crazy enough to get us all killed, YOU STUPID DRUNKEN ASSCLOWN"!

"Good, we leave at once".

Scooby hung his head as they started walking toward the airship, and a few minutes later they left the ruined village behind as the airship took off.

"Helmesman". Liquid said. "Set course for junion harbor".

"You're on the helm". Leon whispered.

"RIGHT"! "I knew that... I was just testing you, yes that's it". "Got to keep you on your toes, you know".

"Sure, you do". Rebecca said as she rolled her eyes. "You fucking dummy".

Liquid suddenly spun the wheel hard right, making Rebecca slam into the wall, and fall to the ground.

"Who's the dummy, now"? Liquid asked as he turned back the right way.

"Are you ok, Rebecca"? Chris asked. "Let me help you up".

"I can do it myself". She replied as she got up.

Liquid suddenly turned the wheel hard left, making Rebecca fall into Chris's arms. Chris then lost his balance, and their lips pressed together as they crashed to the floor.

They stayed that way for a second, then Rebecca pulled away and headbutted him, making him scream.

"Isn't it romantic"? Leon asked as he put his arm around Ashley.

Ashley smiled sweetly, then she slammed her fist between his legs, making him turn purple as he fell to his hands and knees.

"BARRY HAPPY"! Barry screamed as he picked up Scooby and hugged him.

"Put me down"! Scooby yelled.

"TIME FOR HAPPYNESS PUPPY SWING"!

"Time for WHAT"?!

Barry grabbed Scooby by the tail, and began swinging him around and around.

"HELP ME"! Scooby screamed. "SOMEONE STOP HIM"!

Barry laughed so hard that the tail slipped from his fingers, launching Scooby across the room.

"Hi, guys". Tiggr said as he walked in. "What did I

Suddenly Scooby slammed into him, carrying them both out of the room, and a second later there was the sound of glass breaking and paint cans falling.

"I'm ok". Tiggr moaned.

"Everyone be quiet". Liquid ordered. "We're here".

The airship slowed, and began landing just outside of junion harbor.


	17. The Cannon Is Missing

Everyone was nervious as they walked down the main street of junion, but no one seemed to notice because they were still rebuilding from when weapon attacked the city.

"Ok". Jill said. "All we need to do is find the door that leads down into the underwater sections".

"I know where it is". Chris replied. "Just follow me and you'll be good to go".

Everyone looked at him for a second and then started laughing.

"I'm serious"! Chris yelled. "I saw the door the first time that we came through here". "Remember, when I dressed up like a member of the shinra so that we could sneak on the boat"?

"Are you sure it was the door to the underwater sections of this city"? Rebecca asked.

"Yes I'm sure". "In fact I would bet my life on it because I'm one of the greatest trackers in the world, and when you see that I'm right you will be like, I'm sorry I doubted you Chris can I make it up to you by sucking you off, and I'll be like, only since you asked so nicely, and Jill will be like, I knew he was right all along so I get to suck him off first, and I'll be like, why don't you both do it together, and you'll be like... guys"?

He looked around, and ran after them after noticing that they were already half way down the street.

"No way am I letting Chris lead us to our doom". Liquid said as he put out his latest cigerette. "But they will make a nice distraction". "Come with me, Leon".

"But I wanna stay with Ashley". Leon argued.

Liquid nodded in agreement, and Leon went to rejoin the others, but then Liquid grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him down another street.

"Hold on a second". Liquid said. "Something isn't right".

Leon looked around for a second, and then he gasped.

"The cannon is missing"! He yelled.

Liquid looked up, and saw that the giant cannon of junion was in fact missing.

"I don't give a fuck about the cannon". Liquid replied. "I just thought that I left my lighter on the Highwind, but it was in my other pocket, so we're good".

Meanwhile Chris was leading the others bck toward the administrative sectons of junion.

"Hey, the cannon's gone". Ashley pointed out.

Everyone stopped and looked.

"Huh". Scooby replied. "I wonder where they took it".

"We can worry about that later". Jill said. "Let's just get this huge materia thing before the shinra realise that we're here".

Suddenly a net came out of nowhere, trapping them like rats. Then a hundred shinra guards surrounded them, with rifles aimed.

"Wow, that was lucky". Mila Jonavich said as she walked into view. "If you guys hadn't stopped to look for the cannon we would have never realised you were here".

Everyone glared at Ashley and Scooby.

"So, I assume". Mila continued. "That you are the jackoffs who have been destroying the huge materia reserves all over the fricken planet". "WELL I SAY NO MORE"! "Plus, I still have to pay Chris back for what he did to Jackie Chan".

"I had nothing to do with that"! Chris yelled.

Instantly one of the guards cracked him in the mouth with the stock of his rifle.

"JESUS FUCK"! Chris screamed. "How come you guys never hurt anyone else"?! "I'm not the only one here, you know"!

"What did we tell you about ratting out your friends"? Mila asked.

Suddenly a bunch of the guards began beating him with their rifles, but then Mila snapped her fingers and they stopped.

"Ok, let's see". She said. "Something's off... hmm... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven...". "Where are Leon and Liquid"?

"HA HAAAA"! Chris yelled. "They saw this coming from a mile away, and snuck off in order to use us in order to lure you into a FRICKEN AMBUSH"!

Everyone looked around for a second, but nothing happened.

"They left us, didn't they"? Chris asked as he hung his head.

"Well, the last horse finishes". Mila continued. "Thoes two jackasses are probably siting in one of the bars getting plastered out of their minds".

"Shall we retrieve them"? A guard asked.

"NO"! "We're good as long as thoes two pig fuckers stay as far away from me as possible".

"So, what about these guys"?

Mila thought for a second, and then smiled.

"They wanted to see the underwater reacter". She replied. "So let's show it to them". "I'm sure that Jet Li and Goldburg will be just thrilled to see them again".

She snapped her fingers, and the guards began dragging them toward the underwater sections.


	18. Underwater Huge Materia

The guards dragged them down a long hallway, and into a service elevator. A second later the doors closed, and it started moving down.

"I still can't believe you guys came back". Mila said. "With all the trouble you caused, the price on your heads, and the fact that this is the second most fortified base in shinra would have been more then enough to keep me away". "But I've learned in the past few weeks that you guys are morons, so you deserve your fate".

"And what fate is that"? Tiggr asked.

"Ok, we'll start with you". "Once we figure out who is actually controling you, he will be ass raped by a fricken grizzley bear".

Tiggr swallowed hard as he started sweating bullets.

"And as for the rest of you". Mila continued. "Rebecca will be given to Dr. Birkin for his personal... expierements, Jill and Ashley will be concubines for Alfred Ashford, Barry and Scooby will go back to the zoo, Leon will be returned to cryostasis for about a million years, Liquid will be handed over to Alexia for execution, and finally Chris will be shot stabbed burned sodimised poisoned castrated, and eaten alive by pigs".

"Why is mine so much worse"? Chris asked.

"Because you always think of yourself, asshole". "But don't worry, because all of that won't happen until we are done torturing and humiliating you at the underwater reactor".

"Well, that makes me feel so much better". Scooby replied. "I WILL BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN"!

Mila was about to say something else, but then the elevator dinged as it came to a stop.

"We're here". She said as the doors opened.

The guards resumed dragging the net as Mila led them down a long underwater passage made of glass. They could see the fish and plants, as well as the underwater reactor in the distance. Chris was starting to think of how pretty the view was, but then something gigantic and green floated silently past the passage, making his jaw drop as he vanished from sight.

"Did you see that"? Chris asked.

"SILENCE"! Mila screamed.

He closed his mouth, and looked out the glass again, but the large green creature was gone. Then he was pulled back into reality as the guards stopped dragging them so that Mila could open the door.

She pushed a few buttons, and the door swung open, revealing an even more powerful reactor core then in midgar.

As they were dragged inside, a mechanical claw moved to the top of the core, reached inside, and pulled out a large shiny object.

"What is that"? Jill asked as the claw took it away.

"What you came here for". Mila replied. "But fortionatly for us, this huge materia will reach it's destination without a hitch".

They were dragged past the core, and taken into another room that appeared to be a submarine dock. Two sumarines stood ready for departure, and so did Jet Li and Goldburg of the Turks.

The guards stopped dragging them, and the other Turks walked over to them as the huge materia was loaded onto one of the submarines.

"Nice to see you guys again". Jet Li said. "I only with that we had more time". "You see, the three of us have to make sure that the huge materia gets to Rocket Town for deployment, so we're gonna leave you with STR, shinra's latest and greatest sexual torture robot".

"You're leaving us with WHAT"?! Chris screamed.

"You kids have fun".

He pushed a button on the wall, then the Turks ran for the submarine, taking off just as a very large robot started to activate.

It rose up from a pile of junk, and stood 50 feet tall as it stood up and displayed all of it's 359 torture attachments.

"YOU ARE MY BITCH". It said in a deep mechanical voice as it moved toward them. "BEND OVER AND TAKE IT, STARTING WITH CHRIS".

"NOOOOOOOO"! Chris screamed as it got closer. "Rebecca, I love you"!

Rebecca suddenly threw her arms around him and kissed him as romantic music started to play.

"If this is the end". Ashley said. "I wish Leon were here".

"So you could use him as a distraction and escape"? Jill asked.

"Well, yes... but first I would tell him that he's been growing on me... and well... maybe... um... oh, fuck it... I LOVE YOU LEON"!

Jill suddenly grabbed her and kissed her. Barry then picked up Scooby, and Scooby smacked him.

"Don't even think about it"! He yelled.

Suddenly the romantic music stopped as STR reached them, but then the shinra guards started screaming as laser blasts began cutting them down.

Leon then dropped down from a nearby ledge, and struck a hero pose as rescue music began to play.

The robot turned toward him, but then it screamed and fell forward, revealing that Liquid was standing on top of it, with his spear rammed into the back of it's head.

STR was defeated.

"You came back for us". Ashley said in disbelief.

"Actually we had no idea you were here". Liquid said as he cut the net. "We took the unguarded back way in, and we were stealing, er, I mean repairing this other submarine when we heard the commotion".

"Don't listen to him, Ashley". Leon quickly replied. "I came for you because you are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you with all my heart". "This bad, bad man made me leave you for a bit, but rest assured that I will never leave you again".

"Hey". Jill said. "I hate to break up this happy moment, but the bad guys are getting away with our stuff"!

Suddenly everyone remembered what was going on, and they ran toward the remaining submarine.

Moments later they reached it, and Liquid opened the hatch.

"Ok, everyone in". He said as they got in. "Wait a sec... where's Chris and Rebecca"?

He looked around, and saw that Chris and Rebecca were still kissing by the net.

"Aw". Liquid said. "Isn't that cute".

He then picked up a metal bolt, and tossed it at them, hitting Chris in the head.

"OH JESUS"! Chris screamed as he fell. "OH GOD WHY"?!

"Sorry, did I interupt"? Liquid asked. "MOVE YOUR ASSES"!

Chris and Rebecca looked around for a second.

"How did we get out of the net"? She asked.

She decided to figure it out later, so she pulled Chris to his feet, and they ran toward the submarine.

"Nice of you to join us". Leon said as they climbed inside.

He then closed the hatch, and evryone took their seats.

"Where's Liquid"? Chris asked.

"Where do you think he is"? Leon asked.

Suddenly the submarine lurched forward, and began to dive.


	19. Catch That Submarine

An instant later the sub was submirged, and floating through the peaceful silent water.

"Where is the enemy sub"? Liquid asked.

"No visual". Jill replied. "But I can see them on radar". "At this speed we should catch them well before they get anywhere near Rocket Town".

"Rocket Town"? "Why would they be going to there"?

"I don't know, but that's where Mila said the Turks are taking the huge materia".

Liquid was about to say something else, when suddenly three shinra guards jumped out of the storage compartments, and surrounded them with weapons raised.

"Don't move"! The guards yelled.

Meanwhile in the back of the sub...

"So". Scooby said. "Why the akward silence"?

"They thought they were gonna die". Tiggr replied. "So they lost their inhibitions, did or said a few things, and now they are embarressed".

"Oh, ok". "This is just so boring, though". "All they do is stare around the room, and stop themselves right when they are about to say something".

"Yeah, I know... wanna do some shrooms in the other room"?

"Sure".

"ME TOO"! Barry yelled.

They walked out of the room, leaving Chris, Rebecca, Leon, and Ashley sitting there.

"I uh... um". Ashley said.

"I know you love me"! Leon exclaimed with a smile. "I heard you say it, and I love you too, Ashley"! "From the first time that I snuck through your stuff and sniffed your panties, I knew that we were meant to be"!

"Wait a minute". "You went through my stuff"?

"No".

"You just said you did".

"No I didn't". "But let's not live in the past, because we should be looking into our future together".

"Wanna know what I see in your future"?

"Of course".

"Ow, my face, oh jesus why did that have to happen"?

"What"?

Ashley suddenly grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall, and smacked him in the face with it.

"OW MY FACE"! He screamed as he fell to the floor. "OH JESUS WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN"?!

"Still got it". Ashley said as she walked out the door.

"Wait for me"! Leon yelled as he crawled after her.

Chris and Rebecca sat in silence.

"So you stole Hunk's identity, huh"? Rebecca asked.

"Yes, I did". Chris sadly replied. "I was so tired of being a loser and a weakling, that I was willing to do anything to make people respect me".

"People will never respect you, Chris". "You should just accept the fact that you are a weenie, and that everyone will walk all over you for the rest of your life".

"I consdered that for awhile, but after I met you... I still wanted to be more... I wanted to be someone good enough to have a chance with the most beautiful woman in the world... but Jessica Alba got that damn restraining order, so now I only have to make myself good enough for you".

"You have a strange way with words, Chris". "But from my time with you I am starting to understand the ancient language of the moron, so I get what you mean". "But for now

Suddenly gunfire rang out from the front of the sub, followed by a few screams...

And then all was quiet.

Everyone rushed from their rooms, and ran to the cockpit to see...

Liquid at the controls, and Jill watching the radar.

"What was that noise"? Rebecca asked.

"Oh, we had some shinra stowaways". Liquid replied. "But I showed them the door.

Everyone gasped as they saw three shinra guards float past the view screen.

A second later Scooby and Tiggr ran into the wall as they tried to get into the cock pit.

"What happened"? Tiggr asked. "Where did that unicorn go"?

"LEPRECHAUNS"! Scooby screamed. "EVERYWHERE"!

"Are you guys high"? Chris asked.

"Of course not"! They both yelled.

"Ok, just checking".

"THERE HE GOES"! Scooby screamed.

They stumbled away, walking into doors as they chased after their hallucinations.

"Well, good to see that all's normal". Liquid said. "And now that we're on a short cut to rocket town, we should get there pretty quick".

"Yes, sir". Leon replied. "Nothing but smooth sailing from here on in".

Suddenly the sub came to a screeching hault, making them all fall forward as the large claw began to squeeze the hull.

"You just had to say something". Liquid said as the gigantic green mechanical monster came into view.


	20. Beware Of Emerald Weapon

The giant claw continued to tighten on the sub, making everyone even more scared as the creature's large green eyes came right up to the view screen.

"And what have we here"? It asked. "A tasty treet"?

"We're not food"! Liquid replied over the loudspeaker. "So if you let us go, we'll be on our way".

"Sorry, no dice". "I am Emerald Weapon, dominator of the seas, and nothing escapes my insatable stomach".

"Oh great". Jill said. "Another weapon". "Just how many of you guys are there, anyway"?

"Well, there's me and Diamond". "But it's been awhile since I heard anything from Saphire, Ruby, or Ultima".

"Ok". Liquid replied. "If I see them, I will let you know".

"Wait a second". Leon interupted. "Aren't thoes other weapons the ones that we destr

Suddenly everyone clamped their hands over Leon's mouth.

"What was he saying"? Emerald asked. "Does he know my brothers"?

"He knows nothing". Rebecca replied. "He just mumbles alot and tries to look cool, kind of like the guy who didn't see the car accident but tells the story like he was there".

"Oh, ok". "But if you guys haven't seen my brothers, maybe you could tell me how to get to Sephiroth"?

"Sure". Liquid said. "You just go back to the north crater where you guys came from".

"I would, but there's some kind of energy barrier keeping us out". "So we decided to reak havok on the rest of the world instead".

"That's cool, so let us go and we will keep a lookout for both Sephiroth and your brothers, ok".

Emerald was silent for a second as if he was thinking it over.

"Sorry, but I can't". Emerald replied. "You seem like cool guys, but I'm still a hungry mechanical monster, so down the hatch".

Everyone screamed as the sub was moved toward Emerald's mouth, and all seemed lost, but then Liquid picked up the mic again.

"Wait a sec"! Liquid yelled. "You can't eat before you have your appitizer"!

Emerald stopped pulling the sub.

"Appitizer"? It asked.

"Yeah". Liquid replied. "You know, the thing you eat before a meal in order to get into the spitit of things".

"Hmm... appitizer... sounds classy". "Where is it"?

"Just open your mouth real wide, and prepare for a large helping of 'crem de la crem ala nuclear warhead' commin right up".

The monster opened it's mouth real wide, and then Liquid pushed the launch button, sending 15 nuclear torpedoes down it's throat.

"Mmmm". Emerald said as it swallowed. "Thanks, I don't know what to say".

"Well". Liquid said as he put his finger on the detonator. "You can start with your prayers".

He pushed the button, and Emerald vanished in an incredible underwater explosion that made everyone scream as the sub was rocketed away by the blast.

"We need to surface"! Jill yelled.

Liquid pushed the button, but nothing happened.

"We can't surface"! He replied. "I need to shut her down for repairs, but there's nowhere to dock"!

The sub slowly stopped spinning, and once it leveled off, everyone looked out the view holes for something to set her down on.

"THERE"! Chris screamed as he pointed. "A sunken galinka aircraft"!

Everyone looked out the view hole at the sunken plane, and their vote was unanimous.

"FUCK THAT"! Everyone yelled.

Liquid was about to start searching for something else, but suddenly the lights began to dim and the engine started to bog down.

"CHRIST ON A CROSS"! Liquid screamed. "I don't wanna set this thing down on a sunken plane". "It's big enough to dock with, but... fuck it, if we don't dock we're gonna die anyway".

The engine continued to die down as the sub moved onto the sunken plane, and the docking hatch was just sealing when the power in the sub died completely.


	21. Sunken Galinka Aircraft

"Well, ain't this just fucking peachful". Liquid said as the emergecy lights came on. "It's gonna take hours to fix this thing all because SOMEBODY wanted to detonate nuclear warheads while underwater and only about 300 meters away". "Thanks alot, genious".

"Uh, Liquid". Chris replied. "You detonated the warheads".

"Don't split hairs with me, son". "None of you tried to stop me, so you guys might as well have pushed the button yourselves".

"Alright, enough bullshiting". Jill interupted. "Every second we spend down here fighting, the badguys get that much farther ahead of us, and we still don't know what they are trying to do with that huge materia stuff". "So can you fix this thing or not".

"Bitch, I can fix anything". "All I need to get this thing running is a working copasitor, and about 3 hours for installation and to make sure that it won't fucking explode". "That means that someone has to brave the perils of the sunken galinka in order to find the part, and bring it back to me". "... Any volenteers"?

Everyone pointed at Chris.

"No way". Chris quickly replied. "Not this time". "Someone else is gonna have to take care of this one".

"Ok". Liquid replied. "Let's see who else is available... hmm... Tiggr, Scooby, and Barry are stoned out of their minds... Jill, Rebecca, and Ashley are hot... Leon is going in if the first person meets a horrible gruesome death... and I am the only one who knows how to fix and run this thing... that leaves you".

"No". "I don't care how much sense that makes, or who is hot, or stoned, or whatever". "This is bullshit that I'm always stuck on the suicide missions, and you get to stay here where it's nice and safe just because you know how to fly".

Liquid smirked for a second, then smacked Chris in the mouth.

"I never do anything, huh"? Liquid asked. "Who fought Darkseid for the temple key"? "Who orcastrated the rescue which saved everyone's life"? "Who defeated three of the Weapon monsters"?

"Uh... you did". Chris sadly replied.

"That's right, now you can either get your ass down into the sunken plane, or you can get your ass kicked all over this submarine in front of your girfriend and then go down into the sunken plane". "The choice is yours".

Chris staired in disbelief for a moment, and then he started to get angry.

"You know what, FUCK YOU"! Chris screamed. "I've been waiting for a chance to beat your ass, AND THE TIME HAS COME"! "So prepare yourself, Captain Liquid, because this is gonna be one hell of a fight"!

30 seconds later.

Chris screamed as he fell through the docking hatch, and crashed on the floor of the sunken galinka.

"You sure showed me". Liquid called down. "That WAS one hell of a fight simply because I haven't beat anyone's ass that hard in years". "Now hurry up with finding that part, and make sure not to get ripped to shreds by horrible monsters before you bring it back to me".

Liquid laughed as he closed the hatch, leaving Chris alone on the sunken plane. The emergency lights were still working, but that only made the place that much more creepy.

He slowly pulled himself to his feet, and once he was standing, it dawned on him just how afraid he really was.

"No". He told himself. "I'm brave". "I will follow that sign to the engine room, get the part, run like a bitch back up here, and escape before anything horrible happens".

Now that his mind was set, he started walking, going down a short hallway, and sighing with relief once he spotted a door marked ENGINE ROOM.

"This is it". He said to himself. "That wasn't so hard".

He turned the knob, and opened the door... then he had to cover his mouth to keep from screaming at what he found.

There were skeletons all around the room... they were bent over railings with their hands tied, and their pants around their ankles.

"Ok". He said in a shaky voice. "This is probably the wrong place".

"Not at all". A deep voice said from behind him.

He slowly turned around, and found himself face to face with a very large cyborg. It then grabbed him and shoved him against the wall.

"You're in exactly the right place". It continued. "For what I have in mind".

"What do you have in mind"? Chris asked.

"Have you ever been ass raped by a cyborg"?

"Uh...no".

"Then what better way to learn"? "HA HA HA HA HA HA"!

Chris screamed as it started dragging him toward the railing, but then a section of the cieling caved in, making a large piece of steel bash the cyborg on the head, making it lose it's grip on Chris.

"I'M OUTA HERE"! Chris screamed as he ran away.

"Come back here"! The cyborg yelled as he followed him.

Chris ran out the door, around the corner, and back down the hall, finally reaching the docking hatch.

"IT'S ME"! He screamed. "LET ME IN"!

"Did you get the part"? Leon asked.

"NO, JUST LET ME IN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD"!

"No part, no entry". "Liquid said not to let you in until you get it".

"Oh, you're gonna get it, alright". The cyborg said as it peeked around the corner. "Just wait and see".

"LEON, OPEN THE HATCH"! Chris screamed. "THERE'S A CRAZY ROBOT DOWN HERE THAT WANTS TO ASS RAPE ME"!

"There's a what"? Leon asked. "Hold on a sec".

There was a metalic turning sound, and a second later the hatch opened.

"Now what was that"? Leon asked.

"OUTA THE WAY"! Chris screamed as he climbed up.

He was almost in, when the cyborg grabbed his ankle.

"You're not going anywhere". It said. "Until I take care of the sizzle in my pizzle".

Chris screamed as it started pulling him back down, but then Leon aimed his zapper down the hatch, and shot it in the head, making it let go. He then pulled Chris inside, and shut the hatch.

"Well, now what do we do"? Leon asked.

Suddenly the lights came on,and the engine came to life.

"Great news everyone". Liquid said over the intercom. "Turns out it was just a loose wire, so let Chris know that we don't need that part anymore".

"I'll kill him". Chris said. "One of these days I'll kill him".

But for now he decided to relax for a moment as the submarine began moving toward the surface.


	22. Arrival At Rocket Town

Rocket Town seemed to come alive as workers and engineers scurried around, preping the large rocket for launch.

"Status". Hasselhoff said.

"We're on schedual, sir". An engineer replied. "All we need now is for the Turks to bring us the last remaining huge materia, so that we can load it up, and begin operation: BTHHOOM".

"Operation what"?

"BTHHOOM, sir". "Blow The Holy Hell Out Of Meteor".

"Oh, ok". "The name needs work, but it's fine for now". "Anything else to report"?

"Just that we haven't had any luck reaching Captian Liquid so that he can fly it, sir".

"FUCK LIQUID"! "I mean, um, uh, the autopilot will handle everything". "That's right, too dangerous for one man, so, um, just make sure that that little cocksucker, I mean that guy get's nowhere near this rocket, ok"?

"Yes, sir".

Hasselhoff walked away without another word, leaving the engineer to his work.

"Don't worry". Alexia said to herself as she watched. "I'll handle the good captain personally".

Meanwhile, the sub had surfaced, and landed on the shore about a half mile away from rocket town.

"Let me out"! Chris screamed as he pushed open the hatch. "For god's sake, let me out"!

He climbed out of the hatch, ran across the sub, jumped to the beach, and then fell to his knees as he lost his lunch.

"Wow". Jill said. "Some hero you are". "Real men don't get seasick".

"What about him"? Chris replied.

They looked and saw Liquid puking over the side of the sub.

"He's not seasick". Leon replied. "He's just hungover".

Once the puking was finished, everyone jumped down from the sub, and started the walk toward Rocket Town.

"Hey, look at that". Chris said. "The rocket is standing up streight".

Everyone looked, and saw that the giant rocket was not only standing up, but it looked like it had recieved a complete overhaul.

"Now why would they do that"? Liquid asked. "The only reason for fixing the rocket would be if they planned to...

His jaw dropped, and he stood there stupidly for a minute.

"Liquid"? Ashley asked.

"Ok, something's wrong here". Liquid replied. "So let's Blue's Clues this shit, and for that I need my handy dandy notebook".

"Your handy dandy notebook"! Leon yelled as he tossed it to him.

"I'm not even gonna ask anymore where you get this shit from". "But anyway, let's get to it". "Our first clue is the last remaining huge materia".

He opened the notebook, and drew a circle representing the huge materia.

"Our second clue". He continued. "Is the newly refitted rocket".

He drew a missile looking thing to represent the rocket.

"And our last clue". He continued. "Is the ever present threat of meteor".

He drew a scary looking comit thing in space to represent meteor.

"Ok". Liquid said. "We have the huge materia, the refitted rocket, and the luming meteor".

"I know"! Chris yelled. "They want to use the huge materia as a new kind of fuel in order to escape meteor in the rocket"!

Everyone pondered this for a second, but it just didn't make sence.

"I have an idea". Barry said. "What if they put the huge materia inside the rocket, and rammed it into meteor like a giant nuclear warhead"?

Everyone started laughing at this, except for Liquid who was turning a shade of white.

"What's wrong"? Jill asked. "That wouldn't even be possible... would it"?

Liquid stood there for a second, and then suddenly took off at a dead sprint toward town.

"MY BABY"! He screamed as he ran. "I WON'T LET THEM DESTROY YOU"!

"Liquid, come back"! Scooby yelled as they chased him. "We have to be stealthy"! "You can't just charge in there like a psyco"!

"That rocket's all I have left, besides the highwind"!

There was no way for them to catch Liquid, and soon he reached the edge of town. A shinra guard tried to stop him, but Liquid shoved him out of the way. Then he extended his spear, and began cutting down shinra guards as he moved toward the rocket.

"Ok, we can still do this". Scooby said. "All we have to do is wait for Liquid to get captured or killed, then things will cool down enough for us to sneak in, as long as no one else rushes in like a moron".

"I'M COMING, CAPTAIN"! Leon screamed as he followed Liquid's path.

"NO"!

Leon took out his zapper and started firing as he ran into town. A second later the alarm went off, and everyone knew that stealth was no longer an option.

"GOD DAMN IT"! Everyone screamed as they ran into town.


	23. Blast Off

Nothing could stop Liquid as he ran toward the rocket, killing or incopasitating all who stood in his way. This made David Hasselhoff nervious as he watched from on top of a building.

"I can't believe that cocksucker"! Hasselhoff yelled. "He's gonna fuck up our one chance to stop meteor"!

"Don't worry about him". Alexia replied. "I told you that I will take care of him myself... I just need a distraction".

"What kind of distraction"?

She suddenly pushed him, making him scream as he crashed to the ground. And when he looked up, he was stairing at the pointy end of Liquid's spear.

"Liquid"! He yelled. "It's um... uh... not what it looks like"!

"Is that so"? Liquid asked. "Because it looks like you are about to use MY rocket as a giant fricken missile"!

"Well, yeah... but... um".

Liquid extended his spear through Hasselhoff's head, then gave his body a good kick before continuing toward the rocket.

The rest of the group was only a few seconds behind him as he went up the ramp and vanished into the ship. But just when Leon was reaching the bottom of the ramp, Goldburg came out of left field, picked him up by the throat, and choke slammed him to the ground.

"Holy fuck"! Leon gasped as the rest of the group reached him.

"None shall pass". Goldburg replied as he moved to block the ramp. "And that means you, but just in case you didn't get the point".

He then grabbed Leon, lifted him over his head, and tossed him into the rest of the group, knocking them all down.

"Ok, now that I'm warmed up". Goldburg said as they started to get up. "Which of you weenies wants to get the ever loving dog shit beat out of you first"?

"I AM NOT A WEENIE"! Chris screamed as he jumped to his feet.

He screamed as he ran at Goldburg, but he just put his hand on Chris's forehead, making it so that his punches couldn't reach.

"Ha ha, weenie". Goldburg laughed as he held Chris back. "First I'm gonna beat you to a bloody pulp, and then I'm gonna bonk whichever of these bitches is your girlfriend".

Chris knew that he was no physical match for Goldburg of the Turks, but he couldn't just stand there and get beat on like a little bitch, and he also had to defend Rebecca...

There had to be a way...

(FLASHBACK)

Darkseid pulled the spear out of Liquid's hands, smacked him in the face with it, and then laughed as he tossed it away.

"You're no match for me, Liquid". He said. "Here, I'll even give you one free hit".

Liquid wasted no time in swinging at his enemy, and of course Darkseid blocked it. But at the same time, Liquid pulled his leg back, and slammed his foot into Darkseid's nuts.

(FLASHFORWARD)

"THAT'S IT"! Chris screamed.

"Oh no". Goldburg replied as he pushed Chris back. "We are just getting started".

Chris came back with a punch, and when Goldburg blocked it, he pulled his leg back, and used all of his strength to slam his foot into Goldburg's nuts.

Everyone's jaws dropped as Goldburg's feet were lifted off the ground. Then Chris screamed his rage as he pulled back his fist and struck Goldburg in the jaw, making him stumble backwards before falling on his ass.

"YES"! Chris screamed as he put his arms in the air. "I AM THE GREATEST"! "I AM TRULY A HARDCORE EX-SOLDI

He was interupted as Goldburg tackled him to the ground, then he screamed as the large Turk began punching him in the head.

"Lucky shot, you punk"! Goldburg yelled. "But your wimpy little punches will do little more then phase me"!

"Then how about mine"? Rebecca asked.

Goldburg looked up just in time to see her fist coming at him before he was sent reeling backwards, finally collapsing into some bushes while stars danced around his head.

"Good work, team"! Jill yelled. "Now let's...uh oh".

Everyone looked up the ramp just in time to see the door slide closed. Then the countdown began.

"30". The computer said. "29, 28, 27".

"RUN"! Leon screamed.

Everyone took off, followed by Rebecca and Chris once she pulled him to his feet.

"20". The computer continued. "19, 18, 17, 16".

"We're not gonna make it"! Scooby screamed. "Who the fuck builds a rocket in the center of a village"?!

"10". The computer continued. "9, 8, 7, 6".

Meanwhile the stars had gone away from Goldburg, and he got up just in time to see the group running away.

"That's right, chickens"! He yelled. "Run for your mommy"!

He chuckled to himself as he turned around, stopping as soon as he realised what was happening".

"3". The computer said. "2, 1, ignition".

"Oh dear". Goldburg said as the rockets powered up.

An instant later Goldburg and Rocket town were vaporised by the blast from the rocket as it lifted off, and even though the group was clear of the blast, the shockwave sent them flying atleast 50 feet across the grass as the rocket went up higher and higher.

The smoke cleared just in time for them to see the rocked vanish from sight.

"Liquid". Leon said as rocket town finished collapsing.


	24. The First Man In Space

The last shinra guard slammed into the wall, and collapsed onto the floor as Liquid walked, now unchallenged, into the cockpit.

"They wanna fly my rocket into meteor, huh"? He asked as he sat in the pilot's chair. "I don't fucking think so".

He strapped himself in, and then he looked out the window...

Space.

"I did it". He said to himself. "After all these years... I'm in space".

Happiness overtook him for a minute, but then he snapped back into reality as he saw meteor slowly getting closer.

"I'm outa here". He said as he pushed the autopilot kill switch.

And nothing happened.

That's when he saw the large OUT OF ORDER tag on the button.

(FLASHBACK)

"And we'll have just enough gil left over". The mechanic said. "To fix the autopilot kill switch".

"No we won't". Liquid replied. "I already spent it on cheap grain alcohol".

"But, Captain, you might need it some day".

"Don't but Captain me, you asshole". "I have never in my life used an autopilot, and I don't intend to start now". "Therefore we don't need a working kill switch for something we never use". "Christ, what do they teach you kids in school these days"?

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Oh well". Liquid said as he unstrapped himself from the chair. "Guess I'll have to disable it manualy".

He reached for the panal, but then someone grabbed him from behind, and put him in a sleeper hold.

"I don't think so, Liquid". Alexia said as she made him stand up. "You and your stupid rocket are going to die here in space, while I fly safely back to the planet on the escape pod". "Any last words before I snap your fucking neck"?

"Yeah". He gasped. "I think we... should start seeing... other people".

He suddenly stomped on her foot, and slammed the back of his head into her jaw, making her let go as she stumbled backwards. He then extended his spear, and stabbed at her head, but she caught it, and kicked him in the stomach, making him fall back against the wall.

"You like this spear, don't you"? She asked as she looked at it.

She then broke it over her knee, and discarded the pieces.

"Holy crap"! Liquid exclaimed as he got to his feet.

"You are going to die, Liquid". Alexia calmly said. "Because I'm about to ram my fist into your chest, and rip out your heart".

Her calm face suddenly became a scowel as she ran at him, but at the last second Liquid picked up a fire extinguisher, and busted her in the face like it was a baseball bat, dropping her like a ton of bricks.

There was no more time for fucking around, so he dropped the extinguisher and started for the escape pod, but then he remembered why they were here in the first place.

"THE HUGE MATERIA"! He screamed.

The only possible place for it to be was inside the forward maintinance compartment, so he went over to the wall, and pulled open the maintinance door.

And there it was.

Sealed inside a force cage in the center of the compartment was the shining huge materia.

He started to climb into the compartment, but suddenly Alexia grabbed him by the ankles, and dragged him back into the cockpit.

"You've got to be kidding me"! Liquid exclaimed as she pulled him to his feet. "That hit would have killed anything"!

"Anything except me". She replied. "Or did you forget that I underwent the same strengthining process as the members of SOLDIER"?

"Oh yeah, that's right". "But you forgot something as well".

"What"?

"Well... I'm still working on that, but if you

She interupted him by kneeing him in the stomach, then punching him in the head, making him fall on his ass. She then grabbed him by the hair, made him stand up, spun him around, and put him in another sleeper hold.

"Sleep, Liquid". She said as she tightened her grip.

Liquid then lifted his feet up onto the wall, and kicked off of it, making Alexia stumble back across the room...

And right into the power grid.

They screamed as electricity flowed over them for a few moments, then they both fell to the floor.

Alexia was dead, but after a moment Liquid started to move.

"Thanks for being my insulator". He gasped. "Now I remember what you forgot". "You forgot to close the power grid cover before trying to kill me, you stupid worthless bitch".

He slowly dragged himself to his feet, and looked out the window to see meteor right in his face.

"NOT GOOD"! He screamed as he stumbled toward the escape pod.

Seconds later the rocket impacted, causing the giant huge materia missile to explode in a brilliant flash of light that covered the sky. And when the light faded 10 minutes later everyone on the planet looked up inward in the hopes that they had been saved...

But meteor was still there.


	25. Forest Of The Ancients

A long trail of smoke and fire shot across the sky as the escape pod entered the planet's atmosphere, and shot toward the ground.

It became red hot as it moved faster and faster, before crashing through the treetops, and sliding to a stop in the middle of the forest. A few seconds later the hatch opened, and Liquid stumbled out.

"Holy shit"! He gasped as he fell to his knees. "I'm alive... I'm alive, and that bitch Alexia is NOT"! "So in your face, bitch"! "Not only did I reach my goal of becoming the first man in space, but I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR FACE AGAIN, AHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

He sat there for a few minutes while catching his breath, then he got to his feet, and looked at the beautiful forest that surrounded him.

"Where in the hell am I"? He asked.

"This is the forest of the ancients". A voice said from behind him.

Liquid turned around, but no one was there.

"Who's there"? He asked. "And what is the forest of the ancients"?

"An ancient and undisturbed sanctuary of nature". The voice continued. "Atleast it was until some jackass decided to use it as a crash site, and killed the last survivor of the bigfoot species".

Liquid was confused for a second, but then he noticed the hairy leg sticking out from under the escape pod's wreckage.

"Oh well, you win some, you lose some". Liquid replied. "Now either show yourself or tell me how to get out of here".

"You just wiped out an entire species"! The voice yelled. "You must pay for your crimes"!

"I don't give a fuck about some bullshit ass ape man species, and I sure as hell don't take orders from some disembodied voice". "Maybe if it was a woman's voice and there was some tittys attached it would be a different story, but for now you can go fuck yourself".

"HOW DARE YOU"!? "I HAVE ULTIMATE MASTRY OVER THE FOREST OF THE ANCIENTS"!

"You have ultimate mastry over these nuts, asshole"! "So far today I've lost my rocket, killed my ex-girlfriend, crashed my pod into some stupid ape man thing, and now I'm arguing with some mysterious voice that's probably in my mind from when I hit my head during the crash". "So excuse me if I don't wanna stand around all day playing homosexual games"!

Suddenly the forest was silent.

"Ok, asshole". The voice said. "You want out"? "Fine, but the only way to escape the forest of the ancients is to travel the ancient footpath of warriors long forgotten, and face seven challenges to tough and rigorous that

"I have a better idea". Liquid interupted as he walked back over to the escape pod.

He leaned into the hatch, and came out holding a red stick.

"How about you give me an exit real quick like". Liquid explained. "Or I can ignite this road flare, and use it to burn your precious forest to the ground". "Yes or no"?

"You wouldn't". The voice replied. "This forest has stood since before Jenova unleshed the calamity which caused the north crater". "There are thousands of years of history and knowledge that must be preserved for future generations". "Not even someone as foul and loathsome as you could destroy it".

"I'll take that as a no".

Liquid twisted the top of the flare, igniting it. Then he started moving it toward the ground.

"ALRIGHT, I GIVE"! The voice screamed. "Here is your exit"!

There was a rustling sound, and a path began to open up in front of Liquid, opening farther and farther until he could see the ocean in the distance.

"Now get out"! The voice yelled. "And never return"!

Liquid said nothing as he walked down the path, and as he got closer to the exit he saw red cliffs which meant that he was somewhere around Cosmo Canyon. That meant that he would have quite a walk before getting back to the Highwind.

He was one step away from freedom, when he stopped and turned back to the forest.

"Thank you for being so helpful". Liquid said.

"You're not welcome". The voice replied. "Now get the fuck out".

"Unfortionatly I don't like being treated like an asshole, so here's a little something to remember me by".

Suddenly Liquid tossed the road flare as far into the forest as possible, then he ran out the exit just as it landed on the dry leaves which covered the forest floor.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH"! The voice screamed.

"That's CAPTAIN son of a bitch to you". Liquid replied as he walked down the cliff. "Stupid tree spirits, and their god damn games".

He then gave it the finger as the forest of the ancients slowly burned to the ground.


	26. I Found The Cannon

The blast from the rocket's engines had completely destroyed rocket town, leaving nothing but a pile of rubble in it's wake. Everyone had watched as the rocket vanished into space, and the explosion 10 minutes later had briefly given the people hope...

But meteor just stood there, laughing at their pitiful attempt to escape their fate.

"I can't believe it". Leon said as he looked into the sky. "The huge materia missile didn't even put a scratch on meteor".

"Imagine that". Jill replied. "Maybe it would have had more effect if two certain people hadn't destroyed all but one of the huge materia pieces, I'm just sayin".

"THOES ASSHOLES"! "I will drag them into the street and have them cockslapped by a fricken grizzly bear, I swear to christ"!

"She's talking about you, moron"! Ashley yelled. "You and that dumbfuck, Liquid"! "But since he got blown to smitherines, the blunt of the blame falls apon YOU"!

"Hey, we can still save the world". "If we can't destroy meteor, then we can just kill that Sephiroth guy and then it should go away, right"?

"Oh, yeah". Rebecca replied. "Let's just rush back down into the north crater and attack an unstoppable super SOLDIER head on, because that worked SO well last time". "But then again we can't get to him because not only he he protected by a strange inpenitratable force field, but the only person that can operate both a submarine and an airship just got himself killed".

"So what's the problem"?

Rebecca screamed in frustration, then she took out her tazer and gave him a zap to the nuts, dropping him to the ground.

"So what the fuck are we supposed to do now"? Scooby asked. "We got nothing".

"Actually we do". Tiggr replied. "At this very moment the shinra corporation is working on a way to destroy the barrier protecting Sephiroth".

Everyone just looked at him for a second.

"How do you know"? Ashley asked.

"I told you guys a hundred times". Tiggr replied. "I'm just a stuffed toy being controlled by a shinra manager". "I've just recieved word that the giant junion cannon has been moved and reinstalled in midgar".

"Why would they do that"? Chris asked.

"So that they can hook it up to every mako reactor, thereby increasing it's firepower 100 fold".

"Ok then it's settled". Leon said as he got up. "We must go to midgar".

"Good idea, genius". Scooby replied. "Even if we ignore the fact that we have no way to get there, what in the blue fuck would make us want to go to midgar"?

"We have to stop them from unleashing this horrible weapon apon the world".

"Why"? Jill asked. "If they wanna blow the hell out of the north crater, then let them".

"Actually, there is a danger". Barry said. "According to simulations conducted in the labs in midgar, opening all of the reactors at once and channeling them into one focal point would be very dangerous due to the fact that all of the underground pressure would come rushing unchecked to the surface, causing an explosion which would obliterate not only midgar, but everything within 30 miles".

Everyone just stood there stairing at him with their jaws dropped.

"Where the hell did that come from"? Scooby asked.

"Huh"? Barry asked.

"How did you know all that about the whole too much pressure thing"?

"Pressure"? "When I have too much pressure, I do this".

He suddenly turned and coldcocked Chris in the face, making him scream as he fell to the ground.

"Nevermind whatever just happened". Jill replied. "We need to get to midgar, and stop them".

"Why"? Rebecca asked. "The blast is only gonna destroy 30 miles around midgar, and there's nothing there except Kalm village and that retarded chochobo farm". "So it's better that we are here, and they are there".

"Have a heart, Rebecca". Chris replied. "It is our sworn duty as the main good guys of this story to seek out all evil where ever it hides, and to protect others from dangers that they could damn well handle themselves, but then again if they did then we would be out of a job".

"Ok, captain ritghous". "Even if we wanted to go, how would we get there"? "It would take atleast a week to walk there, the famly truckster was stripped for parts, the tiny broncho sunk in the ocean, we can't operate a submarine, and the airship is still at junion".

"I can drive a sub". Leon said.

Everyone looked at him for a second, and then started laughing.

"I'm serious"! Leon yelled. "I spent 15 years watching Liquid drive, and I may not be an ace pilot, but I can sure as hell get you to midgar".

Everyone thought for a second.

"He has a point". Jill said. "Besides, it's not like Chris is trying to drive".

"That's right". Chris replied. "...HEY"!

"Ok, hotshot". Ashley said. "You have one chance to get us there alive, but if you get us killed, I will spend the entire afterlife beating your ass well beyond a pulp".

"Deal". Leon said. "Let's go".

They were pretty close to the ocean, so Leon ran to the docked sub, climbed onto it, and jumped down the hatch.

"Oh well". Jill said. "What do we have to lose"?

They followed Leon back into the sub, and a moment later it's engines fired up.

"ALRIGHT"! Leon screamed as he put in in gear. "LET'S GO"!

He hit the throttle as hard as he could, making the sub slam farther onto the beach.

"Oops". Leon said. "I was reading it backwards".

He shifted gears, and the sub started moving away from the shore.

"We're going to die". Scooby said as they began to dive.


	27. Diamond Weapon Vs Sister Ray

The airship Highwind sat silently as it waited on the cliff above junion harbor. And it had been there for three days since the group had begun infiltrating the underwater reactor.

Suddenly the wind picked up for a second, and then something slammed into the ground, making dirt fly everywhere. A second later Liquid walked out of the hole, followed by another person.

"Thanks, Hancock". Liquid said as he brushed himself off.

"Don't thank me, bitch". Hancock replied. "Just give me the flask".

Liquid quickly moved his hand over the metal flask on his belt.

"No way, dude". Liquid said. "This is my last batch, and besides you still owed me from last time".

(FLASHBACK)

(FLASHFORWARD)

"I ain't got time for your gay ass flashbacks". Hancock interupted. "Now gimme that".

He tookthe flask off of Liquid's belt, and pushed him down.

"Asshole"! Liquid yelled as Hancock started walking away. "Apparently you forgot where you came from"!

"No I didn't". Hancock replied. "I'm from a small town called Whoop Your Narrow Country Ass, and you're making me homesick".

Hancock then took off like a shot, and Liquid got up as he flew across the ocean.

"I never thought someone could actually steal my flask". Liquid said. "But I still prepared for it".

He then pushed a button on his watch, and Hancock screamed as he vanished in the nuclear explosion.

"Good stuff, huh"? Liquid laughed as he walked toward the Highwind. "Really hits the spot, don't you think"?

Meanwhile on the other side of the world, the ocean was calm and undisturbed as the day went on.

A moment later some bubbles began rising from the depths, followed by Jill gasping for breath as she reached the surface.

One by one the others appeared, coughing and choking as they swam for shore. Jill reached land first, and began helping the others get onto the beach, except for Leon, who she pushed back into the water.

"You can drive a sub, huh"? Jill asked as Leon crawled back onto shore. "You watched him for 15 years, huh"? "I outa break every bone in your body"!

"Oh, come on". Leon replied as he got up. "How was I supposed to know the difference between the surface control button and the emergency hatch release button"?

"Oh, I don't know... maybe because they were clearly labeled, or because before you pushed it everyone on the entire fucking ship screamed no".

"Minor details, besides Liquid never listened to you guys".

"LIQUID KNEW HOW TO DRIVE"! Everyone screamed.

Leon thought for a second.

"I have an idea". Leon said. "How about instead of trying to blame me for your shortcomings, we try and figure out where we are, huh"?

Jill moved to punch him, but Tiggr jumped in the way.

"What"? Jill asked. "Can't you see I'm about to open up some serious whoop ass on this moron".

"We're here". Tiggr replied.

Everyone turned around, and there was Midgar not 3 miles off in the distance.

"We are"? Leon asked. "I mean, of course we are"! "I led you here because I am the new captain, and you will all bow down to... guys"?

Suddenly he noticed that the whole continant was shaking, then there was a roaring sound coming from whatever everyone was stairing at behind him.

"There's something bad behind me, isn't there"? He asked.

Leon slowly turned around, and became white in the face as he saw the giant white mechanical monster rising from the depths. And when it finished rising, it's size was enough to dwarf both Ruby and Emerald Weapon.

"Oh my god"! Barry yelled. "IT'S THE STAY PUFFED MARSHMELLO MAN"!

"No it's not, dufus". Scooby replied. "It's another of thoes Weapon things".

"SO RUN FOR YOUR LIVES"! Chris screamed.

Everyone screamed as they ran, but Weapon reached down, and scooped them up in it's giant hand.

"OH SHIT"! Chris screamed. "IT'S GONNA EAT US"!

"Eat you"? Weapon asked. "I'm a vegitarian".

Everyone stopped screaming, and looked up at Weapon with confused looks on their faces.

"Oh my, where are my manners"? Weapon continued. "My name is Diamond Weapon, and I am in need of your assistance".

"Talk to him, Chris". Jill whispered.

"Why me"? Chris asked.

"Because I'm gonna snap your neck if you don't".

She then pushed him forward, making him stumble to the edge of the giant hand.

"Um". He said. "Uh... hi... I'm Chris". "It's um... nice to meet you... uh... Diamond". "What um...can we help you with"?

"Well, you see". Diamond replied. "I'm trying to find the cocksuckers that killed my brothers".

"Wait a second". Leon said. "Aren't we the ones who

Everyone instantly clamped their hands over Leon's mouth.

"What was he saying"? Diamond asked.

"Nothing"! Rebecca quickly replied. "He's nothing but a jibbering moron, so pay no attention".

"So uh... Diamond". Chris continued. "What are you planning... when you find them"?

"Oh, nothing too special". Diamond replied. "Just something like this".

A hole opened in it's armor, and a bright blast of energy shot toward midgar.

At that same time in Midgar, Alfred was in his office on the top floor of the shinra building.

"Stand by, sister ray control". He said into the radio. "Fire".

He laughed as the cannon rotated toward Weapon, and then all seven remaining midgar reactors began pumping power into the cannon's barrel. Then a bright light filled the office just before Weapon's blast made contact.

Alfred screamed as his office exploded, followed by the incineration of the entire shinra building, raining death and destruction on all sectors of midgar. But still the cannon prepared to fire.

Back on the beach, Weapon was just setting them down, when a bright greenish blue light filled the sky. A second later Weapon was rocketed across the ocean as he was struck by the sister ray's blast.

The beam went right through Weapon's chest, and out it's back as it continued traveling north. Diamond's body sank into the water, and the beam continued on, making a flash of white light as it collided with Sephiroth's barrier, completely shattering it.

"Well, that works". Jill said. "Now all we have to do is get there".

"Hold on". Tiggr said. "We have another problem".


	28. Woman In The Cave

"What do you mean, we have a problem"? Jill asked. "The last Weapon is down, Sephiroth's barrier has been destroyed, the shinra building just got ass raped, and midgar is still standing... well... most of midgar is still standing, so score one for the good guys, right"?

"I don't think so". Tiggr replied. "I've just recieved word that even though one blast from the sister ray didn't cause a meltdown, a second blast will".

"Why is that important"?

"Because some jackass is trying to fire the cannon manualy"!

Everyone gasped and dramatic music played as thunder crashed.

"We have to stop it"! Tiggr yelled. "It won't be able to fire for several hours, so we have a chance"!

"Ok". Ashley replied. "How do we get in"?

"The same way we got out". Rebecca said as she started walking.

"What does that mean"? "How did you get out"?

Meanwhile onboard the Highwind, Liquid had returned to the ruined reactor area, and was now following a river upstream.

"I know it's around here somewhere". He said as he watched the landscape. "Why can't these crazy fucks ever live in a house like normal people"?

He followed the river for a few more minutes, eventually coming to it's source...

And the cave right next to it.

"Bingo". Liquid said as he took the Highwind in for a landing.

Back at midgar, the group had reached the outer peremeter, and the rope that they had used to escape was still there.

"I have to hand it to you, Tiggr". Jill said. "Whoever is controling you must be brave to stay in midgar during all this".

"Stay"? Tiggr asked. "He got his ass out of the city before the sister ray even began charging". "And after we all meet a horrible fate in order to save the world, he's probably going to take all the credit".

"Well, fuck you then".

"Ok, let's climb". Rebecca said as she grabbed it. "You first, Chris".

"Why do I have to go first"? Chris asked. "I don't wanna go up there".

"Barry, motivate him".

Barry quickly pulled out his gun, and shot the ground between Chris's feet.

"Like I was saying". Chris quickly said as he grabbed the rope. "I'll go first".

"I knew I could count on you". Rebecca said as Chris began climbing.

Meanwhile Liquid had left the Highwind, and now entered some kind of a crystal cave.

"Lucrecia"? He asked. "Are you home"?

There was only the one dimly lit chamber, so it was hard to see as Liquid walked into the center.

"Lucrecia"? He asked again.

There was no answer, so he turned to leave, and screamed like a girl as he came face to face with the ugliest old woman you've ever seen in your worst nightmares.

"Oh, hi Lucrecia". Liquid said. "Don't sneak up on my like that".

"What the fuck do you want, Liquid"? She asked. "I'm a busy woman".

"I have a problem, and I think you are the only one who can help me".

"More woman trouble"? "Sorry, but you used up my last love potion". "Why can't you just find a nice girl and settle down"?

"I thought I had". "But then she shot me, and long story short she met her end in a very large explosion". "But the reason I'm here is

"SILENCE"!

Liquid instantly stopped talking.

"Liquid, your grandparents were like family to me". Lucrecia said. "But I'm glad that they are not alive to see the disgrace that you have become".

"Disgrace"? Liquid asked. "I did everything the old man asked me to". "I am the greatest pilot in the entire shinra airforce, and I was the first man in space for god's sake".

Lucrecia started laughing for a second, but then became serious.

"I'm talking about your personal life, assclown". She explained. "I'm talking about the drinking, the smoking, the gambling, the whoring, and every crime that you were imprisoned for again and again and again". "Hell, you even lost the spear that your grandfather left you".

"Alexia destroyed that"! Liquid argued. "The crazy bitch tried to kill me, or didn't you hear that part"?

"Don't you sass me, you little fuck stick". "All you think about is yourself, and I will no longer assist you in selfish exploits,no matter how close I was to your family".

Liquid was now beyond the point of being mad.

"Listen up, you old crone"! He yelled. "I truly loved Alexia right up until the point where she shot me"! "And for your information, I came here because I'm helping a bunch of losers save the world, and I need one of your spells to help out because they are only still alive by some strange miracle of god"! "Now are you gonna help me or not"?

Lucrecia responded to this by putting her hands on her hips and laughing.

Meanwhile back at midgar, Chris was just reaching the top of the rope, and he kicked and groaned as he pulled himself up onto the stretch of highway leading into midgar.

"Oh thank god"! He gasped. "I thought that rope would never end"!

"Well, it's about damn time". Jill replied.

Chris looked up, and gasped as he saw everyone already standing on the highway.

"What the"? He asked.

"Oh, the gate was unlocked". Scooby replied. "And there was a set of maintinance stairs leading right up here". "We tried to tell you, but you were working so hard to reach the top that we didn't want to ruin it for you". "Anyway, let's go".

Everyone started walking down the highway, but as Chris got to his feet, he saw the ice cream truck that they had used before.

"Wow, they just left it here"? He asked. "Hey guys, why don't we just use this"?

He ran over to it, and pulled open the door.

"The hero returns". The Bearded Lady said. "GET YOUR ASS IN HERE"!

He tried to run away, but she caught him by the shirt collar, and he screamed as he was dragged into the truck.

"Hurry up, Chris"! Rebecca called as they kept walking.


	29. The End Of The Turks

Liquid screamed as he flew out of the cave, and crashed to the ground, rolling to a stop next to the Highwind.

"And stay out"! Lucrecia yelled.

"Worthless old bitch"! Liquid yelled as he got to his feet.

"Normaly I would kill you, Liquid"! "But it's a bigger punishment to let you live"! "You are an asshole, a drunk, ignorant, self serving, asshole"!

"Oh yeah"? "If I'm such an asshole, then why do I almost feel bad about poisoning your drink"?

"What are you tal

Suddenly Lucrecia began gagging and choking for a minute, before falling dead to the ground.

"What now, crone"? Liquid asked as he brushed the dirt off of himself. "Bet you wish you'd helped me now, huh"? "That just goes to show that just because you've led a long life, doesn't mean that it can't come to a short end, bitch"!

He then climbed back up into the Highwind, and a few minutes later it took off into the sky.

Meanwhile the rest of the group were running down the highway, toward where the shinra building used to be.

"I don't remember it taking this long last time". Scooby said as they ran.

"We drove last time"! Jill yelled. "Now shut up and keep running"!

They continued on for what seemed like hours, then the remains of the shinra building came into view.

"Ok". Tiggr said. "We don't have to go all the way there".

Everyone stopped running, and fell to their knees, completely out of breath.

"The control area is located over there". Tiggr continued as he pointed. "Three blocks down, then up fourty flights of stairs, and finally into the control room".

Everyone groaned and hung their heads as they got up.

"Fuck". Jill said. "Might as well get it over with".

"I couldn't agree with you more". Jet Li said as he came around the corner.

Leon and Barry went for their guns, but Mila Jonovich came out of nowhere, and scissor kicked them both in the head, knocking them out.

"Sorry I'm late". She said as she walked over to Jet Li.

"What do you want"? Jill asked.

"You killed Jackie Chan and Goldburg". Jet Li replied. "We have come here for a final battle of revenge".

"Sephiroth killed Jackie Chan". Ashley argued. "And Goldburg got his own stupid ass blown up by Liquid's rocket".

"Ah, but Sephiroth isn't here and Liquid was killed in the rocket's explosion, SO THE BLAME TRANSFERS TO YOU"!

Jet Li screamed his rage as he did a kung fu flip into the group. Then he grabbed Tiggr by the tail, swung him around, and tossed him into Scooby, knocking them both out.

"Your turn". Jet Li said.

Mila suddenly ran at them full speed, then she grabbed Ashley and Rebecca by the throats, and choke slammed them to the ground.

"Holy shit". Rebecca and Ashley said as they passed out.

"One more to go". Mila said as they faced Jill.

She and Jet Li ran at her, but then Chris came out of nowhere, and tackled Jet Li to the ground. This allowed Jill to block Mila's punch, lift her over her head, and toss her into the windsheld of an abandoned car.

Meanwhile Chris had landed on top of Jet Li, and was now punching him with all his might. That is, until Jet Li caught his fist, and kicked him in the stomach, making Chris fly into a wall.

"Are you serious"? Jet Li asked as he got up. "Is that really as hard as you can hit"?

Chris came back with a punch, but Jet Li knocked his arm out of the way, spun him around, and booted him in the ass, making Chris eat the pavement.

"Get up, weenie". Jet Li ordered. "I'm about to demonstrate the proper way to break your foot off in a motherfucker's ass".

"I AM NOT A WEENIE"! Chris screamed.

He jumped to his feet, and screamed as he came back with an uppercut, but Jet Li simply moved aside, and swept his feet out from under him, making Chris eat the pavement once again.

"Weenie"! Jet Li yelled as he pointed at Chris. "We have a weenie, here"! "I repeat, we have a weenie who was born a weenie and who will die a weenie"! "WEENIE ALERT"! "WEENIE ALERT"!

Chris started to get up, but Jet Li punched him in the back, droping him back down. Then he grabbed Chris by the hair, forced him to his feet, and slapped him before swinging him around, and tossing him with the rest of his fallen comrads on the ground.

"Well". Jet Li said as he walked toward him. "As fun as this is, I'm afraid that it's time for you to die".

Chris turned to crawl away, but that's when he saw the zapper on Leon's belt. So he grabbed it, but then Jet Li punched him in the back of the head, and took the zapper for himself.

"You like guns, huh"? Jet Li asked as he aimed at Chris's head. "Let's see how much they like you".

Chris screamed like a girl as he pulled the trigger, but nothing came out.

"INTRUDER"! The zapper said.

It was then Jet Li's turn to scream as the zapper sent a million volts of electricity into his body, turning him into a burnt and charred carcas before his dead body even hit the ground.

"What just happened"? Chris asked.

"A saftey measure". Leon groaned as he started to get up. "Remember Liquid's booby trapped plane"? "I put the same thing in my zapper in an effort to kill him, but he never tried to use it on me".

Leon returned the zapper to his belt, then he and Chris got to their feet in order to assist Jill...

But she didn't seem to need any as she shoved Mila against another car, and began punching her in the face.

"Not so tough without your boyfriends, huh"? Jill asked as the beating continued. "Don't worry, I'm gonna send you to see them".

She then gave Mila a kig kiss, right before snapping her neck, and pushing her body to the ground.

"Bitch". Jill said as she kicked her.

"Well, that's it for the Turks". Leon said. "What do we do now"?

"Are the bad guys dead"?

"For now".

"Ok, then let's take a 5 minute break".

The three of them slowly sank to the ground, and sat against the abandoned car as they waited for their friends to wake up.


	30. Proud Clod Attacks

Exactly 5 minutes passed, and like magic the group was back on their feet.

"So what you're telling me". Chris said. "Is that if anyone except you tries to fire that gun, they will be electrocuted just like Jet Li"?

"Pretty much". Leon replied as he holstered it. "Makes it pretty easy to keep track of, too".

"Fair enough".

Suddenly there was an electrical surge throughout the entire city, and the ground shook as if there was an earthquake.

"It's charging"! Tiggr yelled. "It may already be too late"!

"No way"! Rebecca yelled. "I am not dying in this piece of shit town, so let's get up there and shove this guy's head up his ass"!

The city continued to shake as they ran down the street toward the newly built control tower, but just as they reached the stairs, there was an explosion that sent them reeling backwards as the bottom set of stairs was destroyed.

"What the fuck was that"? Jill asked as they started to get up.

They all got to their feet and started looking around, but then Chris turned around and gasped.

"God damn it"! Rebecca yelled as she looked at the remains of the stairs. "How the hell are we supposed to get up there now"?

Uh, guys"? Chris asked.

"Not now, Chris". "We need to find another way up".

"Guys"?

"Not now, Chris". Jill replied. "Does anyone see another way up"?

"We could make a human ladder". Leon suggested. "But only if Ashley sits on my shoulders".

"Guys"? Chris asked in a scared voice.

"WHAT"?! Everyone screamed.

"We have bigger problems then the stairs".

That was when everyone noticed the loud thumping sounds even amongst the shaking city. Then everyone slowly turned around and gasped as they saw the mechanical monstrosity walking toward them.

It looked like another Weapon, but the design was much more modern, and way scarrier with it's massive size and it's crimson armor.

"Weapon"? Ashley asked. "I thought we killed them all".

It continued toward them, stopping about 50 meters away. Then the face opened, revealing Iorns and Ada inside.

"Hello, losers". Iorns said. "Allow me to intruduce you to the latest in anti-Weapon warfare". "I give you... The Proud Clod"!

Everyone stood there for a second, and then started snickering.

"What's so god damn funny"? Ada asked. "The Proud Clod not only supports the latest in shinra weapons and armor, but also comes with reclining leather bucket seats, XM radio, front and rear air conditioning, and a microwave oven".

"What"? Scooby asked. "No dvd player"?

"IT HAS A FRICKEN MICROWAVE"! Iorns screamed. "Don't need no damn dvd player". "Anyway, time to die".

The face suddenly closed, and the missile bays opened.

"And...". Ada said. "Goodbye"!

Suddenly there was an explosion, making them all scream, but to the surprise of all, it was the Proud Cold that was knocked on it's ass.

"What the hell"? Scooby asked.

"LOOK"! Ashley yelled. "UP THERE"!

Everyone looked up, and hero music started playing as the Highwind came into view.

"It's Liquid"! Leon yelled. "He's alive"!

Everyone groaned and hung their heads.

"Nice to see you, too, assholes". Liquid said over the intercom. "Now how about getting the fuck out of the way, so that I can get rid of this extra ass whoopin I been saving for a rainy day".

Instantly everyone started running for what was left of the stairs, and in less then a second they had a human ladder going.

"Sure, that's great". Liquid said. "Don't everyone try to stop me from taking on the evil death machine all alone, at once". "Glad you were so consern that I was WOAH"!

The Highwind pulled a hard left just in time to avoid the Proud Clod's missile. Then the mechanical monster got to it's feet.

"Nice shot, Liquid". Iorns said. "But it will take more then one missile at a time to take this thing down". "Too bad about all the innocent women and children around this city, huh"? "But don't worry, because we have a clear shot".

Liquid responded by firing seven missiles, knocking the Proud Clod right through a building, and raining fire for a city block.

"Let me explain something to you". Liquid said. "I don't care if there are men, women, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, pets, police, firemen, postal workers, priests, bill collectors, or homless people down there, and do you know why"? "Because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THESE GOD DAMN PEOPLE OR THIS SHITHOLE CITY"!

The Proud Clod fired two more missiles as it got to it's feet, and Liquid was able to dodge the first one, but the second one struck the Highwind in the underbelly, causing it to spin out of control.

Liquid quickly regained control, and then cut a hard right just in time to avoid another missile.

"That's it you cocksuckers". Liquid said as he righted the Highwind. "ALL BATTERIES OPEN FIRE"!

The dozens of missiles that followed, knocked the Proud Clod through another building, and destroyed many more buildings on their own, killing dozens of people in the carnage that ensued.

Then the very last missile landed inside the Proud Clod's missile bay, detonating both missiles, and making Ada and Iorns scream as the mechanical monster exploded in a brilliant flash of light.

"No need to thank me". Liquid said as the people booed and threw rocks. "My work here is done". "Now where did thoes assholes go"?

He turned the Highwind around, and moved back toward where he last saw the group.


	31. Another Shot

After finishing the human ladder, the group raced against time to make it up the stairs.

The city continued to shake more violently, and soon the sister ray began to hum as it got closer to full power. This made the group consider that it might have been too late, but their iorn will and deturmination would surly drive them even harder.

"Too many stairs"! Chris yelled as they reached the top. "WHO BUILDS THESE THINGS"?!

They all made it off the stairs, but then fell to their knees out of breath.

"You think". Ashly said. "That Liquid beat the Proud Clod"?

"Doesn't matter". Jill replied as she got up. "We need to stop whatever asshole is controling this weapon, all of us are fucked"!

Everyone slowly got up and followed Jill over to the control platform, where a man was turning dials.

"Dr. Birkin"? Rebecca asked.

He quickly turned around, drew his gun, and started firing, making them all dive behind some machines.

"Welcome, losers". Birkin said. "You are 23 seconds earlier then expected, but that is why I always include a 23 percent margin of error in my reports".

"What the hell are you doing"? Scooby asked.

"I'm so glad you asked". "After running a mere 23 simulations, using 23 different variables, I have deturmined that by increasing the power of ths weapon to 23 times what it was built for, I CAN BLOW UP BOTH SEPHIROTH AND THIS CITY IN AN EXPLOSION 23,000 TIMES WHAT WAS PREDICTED, MUAHAHAHAHAHA... any questions"?

"Yeah". Ashley replied. "Do they have a word for what's wrong with you"?

Birkin stood there for a second, and then became furious.

"Wrong with me"? Birkin asked. "WRONG WITH ME"?! "How dare you, you horrid little skank"! "I am the greatest scientist in all of shinra, with PHD's in 23 different sciences"!

Suddenly Leon dove over the machine, and kicked the gun out of Birkin's hand. Birkin then chopped him in the neck, and roundhouse kicked him in the mouth, knocking him on his ass.

"What just happened"? Jill asked.

"I forgot to mention it". Birkin continued. "That in addition to my highly superior brain, I am also a master of 23 different forms of martial arts". "And once I've killed this moron and the rest of you men, I am going to watch this city burn while I'm fucking all of your women at once".

He went to give Leon a death chop, but suddenly Barry ran out, and uppercutted Birkin, making him scream as he flew over the railing, and down toward the street.

The good news for Birkin was that he didn't hit the ground. The bad news was that he got impailed so far on a street light that he was ripped in half...

Then he hit the ground.

"Good hit, Barry". Jill said.

"Ewww". Ashley said as she looked over the railing. "He looks a bag full of throw up".

"Ok". Scooby said. "Let's shut this thing down". "Go ahead, Chris".

"Why me"? Chris asked. "I don't know anything about this stuff".

"You served in Shinra's army, therefore you would have the most experience with their technology".

"What about Leon"? "He used to be a Turk". "And, uh... Liquid should do it, because he knows how to fix stuff".

"Liquid isn't here". Leon replied. "And the Turks aren't trained on such things".

"Well, neither am I".

"JUST DO IT, CHRIS"! Everyone screamed.

Chris hung his head, and walked over to the control panal. Then he looked at all of the endless buttons, knobs, dials, and meters, making his head spin.

"Aw man". He whispered to himself. "This crap might as well be written in greek".

He would be killed if he did nothing, so he did eenie meenie miney mo, closed his eyes, and pushed a button.

"QUICK CHARGE ACTIVATED". The computer said. "AUTO FIRING SEQUENCE IN 2 MINUTES".

"Whoops". Chris said as he turned around.

"Chris, we are all going to die". Jill said. "But atleast I'll have the pleasure of watching you die 30 seconds before I do".

She grabbed him by the throat, and started choking him, but then a rope ladder fell down to the control platform.

"Get your faggot asses up here"! Liquid yelled. "We gotta go"!

Jill pushed Chris away, and everyone ran for the rope ladder. As soon as everyone was on the ladder, the Highwind turned around, and went to maximum thrust away from midgar.

"We're not gonna make it"! Rebecca yelled as they held on. "Can't this thing go any faster"?

"Sure it can"! Scooby yelled. "If you jump off so we're lighter"!

The Highwind flew past the edge of midgar, and out over the open countryside.

"10 SECONDS TO AUTO FIRE". The computer said. "9, 8, 7, 6".

"There's not enough time". Ashley said.

She then put her free arm around Leon, and kissed him.

"5". The computer continued. "4, 3, 2, 1, FIRE".

Everyone screamed and closed their eyes...

But nothing happened.

"Why aren't we dead"? Jill asked as everyone opened their eyes.

"Wow, that was close". Tiggr said. "Thanks for distracting them while my controller cut the power to the sister ray".

"Wait a second". Chris said. "You were going to cut the power all along"?

"Sure". "But I didn't think that you would go in there if I told you".

"Makes sense".

The Highwind slowed down, giving them an easier task of climbing up the rope ladder. A few minutes later everyone was on the lower deck...

"Where's Leon and Ashley"? Rebecca asked.

Everyone looked over the side, and saw that Leon and Ashley were still kissing at the bottom of the ladder.

"Let them be". Jill said. "Let's go inside".

Everyone walked away from the side, and Ashley continued kissing Leon as the Highwind continued away from midgar.

Shinra was finished.


	32. Last Day Part 1

The sun began to rise as the Highwind hovered above the area that used to be called Fort Condor. Everyone was accounted for, and now there was only one thing left to do.

"According to the last shinra reports". Tiggr said. "Meteor is expected to fall within the next four days".

"How would they know that"? Ashley asked.

"Well, it's uh... you see they, uh... how is a rainbow made"? "How does the rear suspension on a dodge viper work"? "It just does".

"Fair enough".

"So what now"? Liquid asked. "Shinra is fucked, all the Weapons are dead, and the barrier over the north crater has been destroyed". "You guys want to go in and face Sephiroth"?

"No". Rebecca replied. "Not yet".

"The hell do you mean, not yet"? Leon asked. "We just blew open his barrier, so we need to get in there before he has a chance to prepare for us".

"Think about it, moron". "This could very well be the last few days of our lives, weither or not we face Sephiroth". "I mean, meteor will kill us if we stay up here, and if we all go into the north crater, all of us might not come back".

"So what do you sugest"? Chris asked.

"That we take a break". "We should take one day, today, to spend with our loved ones, do things we never had the chance to do, or atleast get our affairs in order".

Everyone was quiet as they pondered this consept.

"Then it's settled". Rebecca continued. "We all go and do our thing for today, then everyone who is stupid, er, brave enough to return will meet back at this ship tomorrow".

"Awesome". Scooby replied. "I'm going back to Cosmo Canyon to visit my Grandpa".

"I'm going to Kalm village". Tiggr said. "Me and Ark are gonna get FUCKED UP"!

"Who is Ark"? Liquid asked.

"The guy controlling me". "I figure now that Shinra is gone, there is no danger in me telling you his name".

Suddenly Tiggr fell face first to the ground, and a few seconds later he got back up.

"What happened"? Chris asked.

"Ark just got shot in the head". Tiggr replied. "So I am now controlling myself, and I'm still gonna get fucked up"! "Guess I should have waited another day or two to reveal his name".

Everyone shrugged, and went back to talking.

"I'm gonna go see Sherry". Barry said. "I just hope that Rebecca's grandma doesn't touch me again".

"You got off easy, asshole"! Chris yelled.

"What do you mean"?

"NOTHING"! "Just drop it, ok"?

"I think I'll go check on Sherry, too". Jill said. "Anything's better then being around Liquid".

"Hey, fuck you, too". Liquid replied.

"Chris is taking me to Gold Saucer". Rebecca said.

"I am"? Chris asked.

"Yes, they are having an end of the world 85 percent off special". "And besides, we have a date to finish".

"I'm taking Ashley to the motel 6". Leon proudly said. "We're gonna check out things that go bump in the night, if you know what I mean".

Ashley smacked him in the back of the head.

"If this is gonna work". Ashley said. "You are never to tell anyone that we are together". "And besides, we are going to Wutai so that you can meet my father".

"But I already met your father"! "He's an asshole"!

"YOU'LL DO WHAT I TELL YOU, BITCH"!

"Yes, dear".

"What about you, Liquid"? Scooby asked. "I'm sure there's someone you could go visit that doesn't wanna kill you".

"Wanna bet"? Jill whispered to Ashley. "I googled Liquid, and he's on more hit lists then Osama Bin Ladin".

"Don't you worry about me". Liquid replied. "I got plenty of shit to do". "You kids just go out and enjoy yourselves, so that I can have a few moments of quiet for a change".

"Ok, fine with me". Leon said. "Can you drop us off"?

Liquid looked at him for a second, and then started laughing.

"Sure, Leon". Liquid replied. "I'll drop you off".

Liquid quickly pulled a lever, opening a trap door right under the rest of the group. This made them scream as they fell the short distance to the ground.

"See you guys tomorrow". Liquid said as the Highwind started moving away.

"ASSHOLE"! Rebecca screamed.

"I can't believe that guy". Ashley said. "Well, actually...I'm not surprised at all".

"So what do we do now"? Scooby asked.

"Junion is right over there". Chris said as he pointed into the distance. "We can walk there and catch some flights before breakfast, and be at our destinations before lunch".

"Good idea, Chris". Jill said. "How did you come up with that"?

"I read it on that sign".

They turned around and saw a sign for the junion airport.

JUNION AIRPORT. WALK THERE AND CATCH A FLIGHT BEFORE BREAKFAST, TO BE AT YOUR DESTINATION BEFORE LUNCH.

"Works for me". Tiggr said as he started walking.

Everyone followed as the sun began peeking over the mountains.


	33. Last Day Part 2

Liquid flew the Highwind around in a big circle, then landed it an hour later in the same spot that he had dropped everyone off in. A minute later the engines powered down, leaving the powerful airship as silent as a graveyard.

Everyone else had gone off to visit family, or to be with thoes that they loved, or whatever, leaving Liquid alone on this silent ship. His home had been destroyed by the rocket's engines, his plane had sunk into the sea, his rocket had been blown away by meteor, and his girlfriend along with any family were dead.

All he had left was his airship, and now that he was alone he

"ENOUGH"! Liquid screamed. "They get the point"! "Stupid ass narator, I HATE YOU"!

Liquid walked over to the captain's chair and sat down as sad music began to play.

"I'm so... lonely". He sang. "So lonely". "So lonely and sadly alone". "There's no one, just me only... sitting on my little thrown". "I work really hard and make up great plans, but nobody listens, no one understands". "Seems like no one takes me seriouslyyyyyyyy". "So I'm lonely... yeah, a little lonely... poor little me".

The music continued to play as he stood up, and walked over to the window.

"There's nobody I can relate to". Liquid sang. "Feel like a bird in a cage". "It's kind of silly, but not really... because it's filling my body with rage". "I'm the smartest, the bravest, most physically fit... but nobody else seems to realise it". "When I save the world, maybe they'll notice meeeeeeeee". "But till then I'll just be lonely... yep, a little lonely... poor little me". "I'm so lonelyyyyyyyyy".

He then leaned on one of the support beams and began to cry, but then the bridge door was kicked open, and a figure stood in the darkness.

"WHO DARES TO INTERUPT MY PATHETIC WEEPING"?! Liquid screamed as he faced the door.

"Hello, Liquid". A woman's voice said. "I've been watching you for a long time".

"Oh yeah"? "So are you here to kill me for personal reasons or for someone else's personal reasons"?

She started laughing for a second, and then stopped.

"I'm not here to kill you, Liquid". She continued. "Not yet, anyway". "I just wanted a chance to talk with you before I kill you and your friends in the north crater".

"North crater"? Liquid asked. "Who are you"?

"My friends call me Jen". Well... they would if any of them were still alive". "But you can call me... Jenova".

Thunder crashed and dramatic music played as Liquid stepped back in shock.

"I look forward to meeting you in person very soon". She continued. "But for now... WAKE UP"!

Liquid's eyes snapped open, and he fell out of his captain's chair as he woke up.

"HOLY SHIT"! He screamed. "Gotta warn... gotta... damn it, it's gone". "WHY DON'T I EVER GET TO REMEMBER MY DREAMS"?! "Oh well, couldn't have been too important".

He then kicked open a secret panal on the side of the chair, and pulled out a bottle of Jose Quervo.

"There you are". He said as he popped it open. "Necter of the gods".

Meanwhile the rest of the group had made it to junion, and were taking seperate flights to their various destinations. Scooby was the first to reach his destination since he got stuck traveling as animal cargo, and got pushed out of the plane while they were over Cosmo Canyon.

His cage dropped like a rock, finally crashing through someone's house, rolling down the stairs, and coming to a hard stop against a stone wall.

"Holy Christ". He mumbled as he stumbled out.

"Scooby"? A man asked. "Is that you"?

"Yeah". "What do you want"?

"I'm afraid I've got some bad news". "Your grandfather has recently passed away".

"What"?! "How did this happen"?

"Well... you just crushed him".

Scooby looked back at the cage, and saw Roshi's legs sticking out from under it.

"Oh". Scooby said. "Well, um, uh... wait a second... that means that I'm the new king of cosmo canyon, right"?

"I guess". The man replied. "But don't you want to

"SILENCE"! "BOW DOWN, BITCHES"! "I run this mother fucker now"!

Eveyone shrugged, and then bowed down to him.

"Now I want food"! Scooby yelled. "I want bitches, I want beer, and I want someone to get rid of the body under that cage because I'm gonna have it bronzed".

"The body"? The man asked.

"No moron, the cage". "It will serve as a memorial to the greatest day in the history of cosmo canyon, MUAHAHAHAHAHA"!

Meanwhile at Gold Saucer...


	34. Last Day Part 3

"Are you sure this is a good idea"? Chris asked as he followed Rebecca.

"Of course it is". She replied. "Why would you even think otherwise"?

"Well, it's just that I had different ideas on how to spend a romantic day together".

"Ok, look Chris". "We already did the hate eachother so much that we fall in love thing, so if we are to spend the rest of our lives together you need to be toughined up".

"But the Battle Square"?

Suddenly the lights came on, and the crowd cheered as they saw Chris and Rebecca standing outside the ring.

"I don't know". Chris said.

"Oh come on, they love you". Rebecca replied. "Besides, if Liquid can do it, so can you".

Chris was about to protest again, but Rebecca pushed him over the ropes, making him fall backwards into the ring.

"Introducing first". Wesker said as Chris got to his feet. "The challenger, all the way from Nibelhelm, ex shinra soldier Chris Redfield".

The crowd cheered as Chris raised his arms.

"YES"! Chris screamed. "Worship me from afar, for I am Chris Redfield, and I have come to whoop the shit out of any mother fucker dumb enough to step in the ring"!

The crowd cheered for another minute, and then died down as some CCR music began to play.

"Isn't that great"? Wesker said. "And now introducing gold saucer's very own heavyweight champion".

"Wait a second". Chris said to himself. "Wasn't I at the last championship match"?

"That's right folks, all the way from the crater that used to be Rocket Town, the greatest and most corrupt pilot in what used to be shinra... Captain Liquid"!

Chris froze in place, and the crowd went crazy as the lights came on at the other side of the ring, revealing Liquid...

Passed out on the mat with an empty bottle of Quervo in his hand.

"Liquid"? Wesker asked. "LIQUID"!

Liquid didn't move, and suddenly Chris smiled.

"Oh shit, he's passed out drink". He said to himself. "All I have to do is pin him for three seconds, and I'll be the champion of gold saucer". "Then I'll be like, yeah baby I'm the champ, and Rebecca will be like, you're the best Chris can I please suck you off, and I'll be like

Suddenly the bell rang, bringing him back to reality.

"Round 1". Wesker said. "Ready go".

Chris did a kamakazzi scream as he ran at Liquid. He then dove at him, but at the last second Liquid rolled over, hitting Chris in the face with his fist as he moved. This caused Chris to do a sideways stumble before crashing face first on the mat.

"Pillow". Liquid mumbled as he put his head on Chris's back.

"1". Wesker counted. "2... 3".

"Are you fucking kidding me"? Rebecca asked.

The bell sounded the end of the match, and the crowd screamed, making Liquid suddenly sit up.

"What the hell"? Liquid asked as he looked around. "Where am I"?

"Ladies and gentilmen". Wesker continued as Liquid stood up. "I give you the winner and still the heavyweight champion of gold saucer...Captain Liquid"!

The crowd cheered again, and Liquid shrugged before raising his arms above his head and doing the victory dance.

Rebecca just shook her head as she walked away from the ring.

"Alright". Liquid said as the crowd died down. "How did I get here, and how the fuck am I getting back to my ship"?

"Did I win"? Chris asked as he started to wake up.

Liquid responded by breaking his empty bottle over Chris's head, knocking him out again.

Meanwhile, in the beautiful village of Wutai, Leon sat at the table with Ashley and her father.

"So". Ricardo Montoban said. "You want to date my daughter, huh"?

"Uh... yes". Leon replied. "Sir".

"Ok, then I'm just gonna start by warning you what will happen to you if you hurt her in any way".

"Uh, let me guess". "You'll take me down to chinatown"?

"Chinatown"? "Nayh, I'll take your bitch ass down to 134th street, and bust you in the head with a pipe".

"Be nice, dad". Ashley replied.

"Shut the fuck up, girl". "Didn't I banish you from this island forever"?

"No dad, you didn't".

"Oh, ok". "Then I guess I have to test your little boyfriend, here". "You will be worthy of my daughter if you can defeat me in mortal kombat".

Leon sat there for a second.

"Are you sure"? Leon asked as Ricardo jumped up.

"Just do it, Leon". Ashley said as she rolled her eyes.

"Well...ok".

Leon then drew his zapper, and shot him in the head.

Ashley just stood there as her father's body hit the floor.

"Leon". She said. "...You just shot my dad".

She then threw her arms around him, and kissed him.

"I hated that asshole"! She yelled. "Now do me on his bed"!

"SCORE ONE FOR LEON"! Leon screamed as he picked her up and carried her out of the room.


	35. Last Day Part 4

The day waned on, and soon darkness covered the land.

Except for the eerie red glow from meteor, that is.

After taking a cab, not paying the fare, and running from the cops, Liquid finally made it back to the Highwind, finding it just as dark and empty as when he left.

"Honey, I'm home". He said as he entered the bridge. "Oh yeah, I'm single again".

He walked across the room, and sat down in the captain's chair, while looking out at meteor hovering in the sky.

"A beautiful sight, isn't it"? A woman's voice asked.

"Nayh, I'm not much on red". Liquid replied. "Wait a second, who's there"?

She laughed, and Liquid could hear someone walking around the room, but it was too dark to see.

"Lights". Liquid said.

Nothing happened.

"You're not afraid of the dark, are you, Liquid"? She asked.

"Only when a strange woman uses it to sneak up on me". He replied. "Who sent you here"? "Samus, Serena"?

"No one sent me, but I am a bit offended that you don't remember my name".

"I forget lots of women's names".

Suddenly Liquid was grabbed by the shirt collar, and lifted to his feet.

"Then let me remind you that my name is Jenova"! She yelled. "And that when you idiots come to the north crater I will be waiting, and after I've killed you all, meteor will crash to this world, and I will use the dead husk of this planet to sail the cosmos until I find another one"!

She then tossed him across the room, and when he hit the floor it was suddenly daytime.

"What the hell"? He asked as he sat up.

A second later the door opened, and Jill walked in followed by Barry and Tiggr.

"You guys"! Liquid yelled as he jumped up. "I just had the craziest dream"! "I was... wait a second... damn it, it's gone... oh, I remember"! "I was at the battle square, and everyone was cheering because I kicked the hell out of Chris again".

"That wasn't a dream". Rebecca said as she walked in with Chris.

"Oh, then I must have just passed out on the floor again". "So, how was your day off"?

"You kicked my ass in front of my girlfriend"! Chris yelled. "How do you think it went"?

"Well atleast I didn't fuck her while you were unconsious... did I"?

"No". Rebecca replied.

"Damn it"! "How about you guys"?

"I spent the night in a chineese opium tent". Tiggr replied. "They just put one up in Kalm in order to celebrate the fall of shinra, and you best believe that I took advantage of the opening day specials".

"We were gonna see Barry's daughter, Sherry". Jill said. "But then we decided that since I just don't like the little bitch, and since Barry is afraid of Rebecca's grandma, that we would just go to Kalm village and get all fucked up with Tiggr".

"I can respect that". Liquid replied. "So, is this everyone that decided to come back"?

"Unfortionatly no". Scooby said as he sadly walked in.

"What's wrong, Scooby"? Chris asked. "I heard you were the new king of cosmo canyon".

"Yeah, so did I until the ungratful bastards ran my out of town". "Something about not liking my idea to feed my grandfather's body to the crows or something like that, so long story short, I got nowhere else to go".

"Yeah, it happens". Liquid replied. "The first few are the hardest, but after awhile you won't even care when you get run out of town". "Now, is this everyone"?

The door opened again, and Ashley stormed in followed by Leon.

"Why are you so upset"? Leon asked. "That was the best hour of my life, and I only wanted to share it with you".

"The best hour of your life, huh"? Ashley asked. "Do you mean the 5 minutes of sex, or the 55 minutes of you crying like a bitch"?

Wow, that sucks". Liquid said. "Everyone point and laugh at Leon".

Everyone pointed and laughed, making Leon turn red in the face.

"Oh yeah"? Leon asked. "Atleast I'm not alone".

"Oooooooo". Everyone said.

"Son". Liquid said. "I've had more ass then you've sat on". "But just to show that I hold no hard feeling toward you, I'm gonna give you a beer".

"Really"? Leon asked.

Liquid walked over to the fridge, and took out a can of icy cold miller light. Then he whipped it at Leon as hard as he could, hitting him right in the face, and making him scream as he fell on his ass.

"First round's on me". Liquid said as he walked back over to the wheel. "Everybody here, then let's go to Costa De Sol".

Everyone cheered.

"Wait a second". Chris said. "Aren't we supposed to be going to the north crater in order to fight Sephiroth in a battle that may very well cost us our lives"?

"Well". Liquid replied. "I considered that, and as much fun as it would be to fly streight into death and glory... I'd still rather go back to Costa De Sol".

"No, Chris is right". Rebecca said. "Meteor is gonna fall anytime between now and the next two days, so we have to head for the north crater right now".

Everyone was in agreement, and even Liquid knew that it was time to face Sephiroth.

"Oh yeah"? Liquid asked. "I also know that pre-marital sex with 16 year old girls is wrong, but I still do it anyway". "Stupid fucking narrator".

"It's time, Liquid". Scooby said. "Are you with us"?

Liquid hung his head, and a few minutes later the Highwind's engines came to life, lifting the airship into the air.

"Ok you assholes". Liquid said as he turned them north. "I hope you know what you're doing".

He then hit the throttle, making the Highwind fly vanish over the horizon.


	36. Return To North Crater

The temperature dropped rapidly as the Highwind continued moving north, and soon the green fields of grass were replaced with the white fields of snow.

"We should be there in about an hour". Jill said as she watched the radar. "Is everyone ready"?

"Fuck no"! Scooby yelled. "But if I stop to think about it, I'll end up having Liquid turn this thing around"!

"Amen, brother". Liquid replied. "Why the hell do WE have to handle everything, anyway"?

"What do you mean"? Chris asked.

"Think about it". "In every story, movie, or videogame that contains a worldwide crisis, there is always one person, or a small group of people that get charged with saving the entire fricken world". "Why is it that everyone else gets to sit on their asses while that select group has to solve everyone's problems". "That's one of the reasons that I'm such an asshole, because an asshole only worries about themselves, but a good person has everyone else to think about".

"Oh my god". Ashley replied. "That actually kind of makes sense".

"Don't listen to him"! Chris yelled. "It is our duty as great and powerful heros to not only save the world but also to continuing to pro

He was interupted by Liquid's foot striking him in the nuts from behind, making him scream and fall to the ground.

"You see"? Liquid asked. "If I was a good person, I would probably feel bad about that".

The Highwind continued onward, and soon came apon a fierce snowstorm. The winds blew faster and colder, while the increasing dark cloud cover slowly blackened the sky. Soon it was as if night had fallen, making visibility pretty much impossible.

"Visual down". Jill said. "Radar down, scanners down, how the fuck are we gonna find anything in this"?

"Oh well". Leon said. "We tried, but I guess it wasn't meant to be".

"It's not over yet"! Barry yelled. "If we keep heading north, we will reach the north crater once the compass starts spinning... what was I saying"?

"Liquid, is that true"? Rebecca asked.

"I plead the fifth". Liquid replied.

"Then it's settled". " Keep heading north".

It was now so dark that they couldn't even see the snow falling outside. And the temperature continued to drop, making them now able to see their own breath even with the Highwind's heaters going.

For a moment it seemed that they would never find their destination, but then there was a shimmering light off in the distance.

"LOOK"! Tiggr screamed. "Light from the crystals inside north crater"!

"How do you know that"? Chris asked.

"As a drug addict, I happen to be an expert on crystals". "Christ, what do they teach you kids in school these days".

As the airship moved closer, it became obvious that the light was in fact from crystals deep within the north crater.

And when I say deep, I mean DEEEEEEEEEP.

"Holy crap"! Leon exclaimed as they hovered above it. "It's like there's no bottom to this thing"!

"Well we don't have a choice". Rebecca replied.

"THE HELL WE DON'T"! Leon and Liquid yelled.

"I'm turning this thing around". Liquid continued. "I'm afraid of heights".

"How can you be a pilot if you're afraid of heights"? Jill asked.

"It worked for Snoop Dog in Soul Plane".

"Fair enough". "But we still have to land".

"Oh, I don't think so".

Ashley then walked over to Leon, and put her arms around him.

"Leon". Ashley said. "If you convince Liquid to land, I'll be your's forever, and you can do anything you want to me".

"Anything"? Leon asked.

"Anything".

She kissed him, and stepped back as Leon ran at Liquid, and speared him waterboy style.

They fell to the floor, and Leon went for a punch, but Liquid caught his fist, and headbutted him, making Leon fall over.

"Like taking candy from a baby". Ashley said as she high fived Rebecca.

Leon and Liquid quickly got to their feet, and Leon uppercutted him in the jaw, making him stumble backwards. Then he jumped into the air for a kick, but Liquid caught his foot, swung him around, and tossed him right through one of the flight computers.

"NO"! Liquid screamed as it shattered.

Leon hit the floor, and an instant later the lights on the Highwind dimmed as it's engines bogged down. Then it lost altitude, coming down hard on the edge of the north crater as the engines and lights died completely.

"YOU COCKSUCKER"! Liquid screamed. "It will take the fix-it droid hours to repair this"!

A small door on the wall slid open, and R2-D2 rolled out.

"BEEP-DOOP-DWEEP-DOOOOO". It said.

"Fix my ship". Liquid ordered.

"DE-BOOP-BWEEP".

"I gives a fuck about union hours, now fix my ship before I sell you back to George Lucas".

"DO-DBOOP-WEEEE".

"Yes, I would".

The droid moved away from him, and the others began moving toward the exit.

"Where are you going"? Liquid asked.

"We're stuck here". Jill replied. "Atleast it should be warmer down there".

They had a good point, so Liquid followed them out to the upper deck, and a moment later the rope ladder was lowered.

"Chris". Rebecca said.

"I know". He sadly replied as he moved toward the ladder. "Me first".

"CANNON BALL"! Barry screamed.

"What"? Scooby asked.

Barry suddenly charged toward the edge full speed, and the screams from the others didn't stop him from diving over the edge, and taking them along for the ride.

They screamed as they fell, and once they hit the ground, the crater became like a giant ice slide, turning them into a large screaming blur as they went down, down, down,down...


	37. The Wrath Of Jenova

The screams finally stopped as they came to a sudden stop on what appeared to be a large chamber made entirly of crystal. It was very well lit, and it was much warmer here then on the surface.

It was also not empty of life.

"Hello there". A woman's voice said. "I have been expecting you".

Everyone slowly got to their feet, and when they turned toward where the voice came from, everyone's jaws dropped.

There in front of them was the most beautiful woman that any of them had ever seen. She was very petite with blondish green hair, and her skin seemed to have a bluish tint to it, and features that would make a preacher kick in a stain glass window.

"Let me be the first and last to welcome you to north crater". She said. "My name is Jenova and I haven't been able to do much killing since my son Sephiroth resurected me, but I plan to rectify that by inflicting a horrible merciless death on each and every one of you".

"Jenova"? Chris asked. "Are you the same one...

"Who fell from the sky 2000 years ago and brought down the first meteor which created this crater"? "Yes, I am". "But the time for introductions is past, and the time for death now begins".

Everyone stood there stupidly for a moment as if not sure what to do, but then Liquid started thinking.

"Wait a second". He said. "Jen"?

"Hi, Liquid". Jenova replied with a cute wave at him.

"Are you fucking kidding me"? Scooby asked. "HER, TOO"?!

"Barry, strangle him"! Jill ordered.

Barry suddenly grabbed Liquid by the throat, and lifted him into the air.

"Why do you do this, Liquid"? Jill asked. "I don't wanna die because you pissed off Sephiroth's mom"! "Why couldn't you have just found a nice girl and settled down"?!

Liquid then kicked Barry in the nuts, breaking his grip, and letting him fall to the floor.

"I'll tell you what". Jenova said as Liquid got up. "I'm in a generous mood today, so here is my offer". "The passage behind me leads down to where Sephiroth is waiting for you". "I will agree to let you pass unharmed, if Liquid stays here and pays the price for all of you".

They wasted no time in running to the other passage, and vanishing from sight.

"Nice friends you have". She continued. "Now, are you ready to expierience an ass whoopin on a galactic scale"?

"No". Liquid said as he reached behind his back. "But here's one from Rocket Town".

He quickly pulled out two revolvers, and wasted no time in firing all 12 rounds into Jenova's chest, making her fall to the floor.

"Pretty cool, huh"? Liquid asked as he discarded them. "I took them from Leon during our little scuffle on the Highwind, and am I glad that I didn't waste them on him".

Jenova then sat up, and pointed her finger at him, sending a very large lightning bolt screaming right at his face. But at the last second he crossed his arms in front of him, making the lightning strike his wrist bands, and completely shattering them as he was thrown across the room.

He rolled backwards a few times after hitting the ground, before coming to a sudden stop against the wall.

"Holy crap"! Liquid gasped as he looked at his burnt wrists. "Nothing should have gotten through thoes"!

"I'm impressed by your inginuity". Jenova said as she got up. "But if I counted right, that is your final trick". "Now come over here and die while you still have the option of doing it quickly".

Liquid slowly pulled himself to his feet, and then started walking toward her.

"Ok, fine". He said. "No tricks, no weapons, no armor, and no magic". "Just me... Captain Liquid, heavyweight battle square champion of gold saucer"!

Once he reached her, he got into his ready stance, and she started laughing.

"Tiger boxing kung fu, is it"? She asked. "Well you should know that 2000 years ago I introduced this world to a style of my own... it's called white lotus kung fu".

Liquid turned white, and dramatic music began to play. But then he shook it off, and came at her with a punch, but she moved out of the way, and kicked him in the stomach, making him fly right through a large crystal formation before slamming into the ground.

He got up and came back with a roundhouse kick, but she caught his leg, lifted him over her head, and slammed him back to the ground. Then she grabbed him by the shirt collar, and pulled him to his feet.

"Are you ready to die"? She asked.

"Not yet". He replied.

He quickly boxed her ears, then he slammed his knee into her stomach, and uppercutted her in the face, making her stumble back. Then he ran at her, jumped up, and slammed both feet into her chest, but he simply bounced off and crashed to the ground.

Liquid started to get up, but she kicked him in the face, making him fall back down.

"Get up". She ordered.

Liquid struggled for a second, but eventually got to his feet...

Just in time to recieve another punch to the head, which made him fall against the wall, and another that made him fall to his hands and knees. Jenova then kicked him in the stomach, sending him the rest of the way down.

"Get up, Liquid". She ordered.

Liquid once again pulled himself to his feet, and came at her with another punch, but she simply blocked, spun him around, and booted him in the ass, giving him a mouthfull of crystalls as he slid across the floor.

"On your feet". She ordered as she walked over to him.

He was trying to get up, when Jenova grabbed him by the hair, and pulled him back to his feet, facing her.

Liquid then aimed his watch at her, and pushed a button, causing her to scream as the most oh my god bright light shot out of the watch, and right into her eyes, making her lose her grip on him. He then moved to strike with his leg, but she caught it, and palm struck him in the chest, lifting him 3 feet in the air before he crashed hard to the ground.

But this time he couldn't get up.

"Nice trick". Jenova said as she stood over him. "But as you can see, I can still... well... see". "And now that you are defenceless, the fun can really begin". "This involves screaming, screaming, more screaming, and even more screaming... feel free to get an early start on that".

She then grabbed him by the shirt collar, and pulled him to his feet.


	38. Sephiroth

After leaving the crystal chamber, the rest of the group found themselves running down a long stone path.

"Did we do the right thing"? Leon asked. "Just leaving him like that"?

"He can handle himself". Jill replied. "And besides, he deserves whatever he gets from her, being that he always does something to warrent his untimly death".

"Fair enough".

The stone path went down for what seemed like hours, eventually ending at a crystal chamber similar to the one that Jenova occupied.

And there was Sephiroth, standing in the middle of the room with the black materia on a chain around his neck, and his long sword over his shoulder.

"Well, it's about time". Sephiroth said. "Do you have any idea how bad it sucks to stand on a crystal surface while you are wearing heels"?

"Do YOU have any idea"? Jill asked. "How much you are pissing me off"? "Let's just kill this asshole and be done with it".

Everyone drew their weapons, and got ready, but Sephiroth held up his hand.

"You don't seem to understand how this works". He explained. "For the first attack you are supposed to come at me one at a time, so that I might display my incredible strength".

"No, we're just gonna kill you". Rebecca replied.

"Oh, come one"! "I spent hours planning this"! "I worked really hard, and you assholes wanna ruin the whole thing"! "Why can't you just let me have this one thing"?!

"Fine"! Jill yelled. "If it will make you shut up, for god's sake"!

"I got him". Leon said as he moved forward.

Leon ran at Sephiroth while firing his zapper, but Sephiroth blocked the shots with his sword, and kicked Leon in the stomach, sending him flying into the wall.

Tiggr and Scooby charged at him from both sides, and leaped, but Sephiroth took a step back, causing them to slam into eachother. He then kicked Tiggr, sending him and Scooby flying into the wall next to Leon.

Barry charged at him, but Sephiroth dropped to the ground, making Barry pass right over him, and slam into the wall. Then Sephiroth got to his feet as Barry hit the floor.

Jill attacked with a flying kick, but Sephiroth grabbed her foot, swung her around, and sent her flying into the wall next to Barry.

Ashley and Rebecca attacked at the same time with punches, but he blocked them, hit their heads together, and did a back flip kick, sending them both crashing into the wall.

"Is that all"? Sephiroth asked. "How can you expect to

He was interupted by Chris's sword blade being rammed into his back, and out his stomach.

"No way"! Sephiroth gasped. "How did he"?!

Chris pulled the blade out, and swung again as Sephiroth turned around, slashing him deep across the chest, and making him stumble back.

"I don't believe it". Rebecca said as she watched.

Chris continued slashing at Sephiroth, making more and more cuts, and driving him further and further back...

Toward a convienient cliff which seemed to be bottemless.

"One more should do it"! Chris yelled as he slashed. "EAT A DICK, SEPHIROTH"!

But Sephiroth blocked with his sword, and kicked Chris in the chest, lifting him off his feet, and making him crash to the floor.

"GOD DAMN YOU, CHRIS"! Everyone screamed.

Sephiroth wobbled at the edge of the cliff for a second, then righted himself.

"What's wrong, Chris"? Sephiroth asked as he raised his sword up. "You were talking that good shit a second ago, but then you got kicked in your chest"! "YOU EAT A DICK, CHRIS"!

He went to stab, but was interupted by several shots from Leon's zapper hitting him in the chest, making him wobble again.

"NOW BARRY"! Jill yelled.

Barry jumped to his feet, and ran at Sephiroth as fast as he could. Then he uppercutted him, making Sephiroth scream as he flew over the edge, and down into the abyss.

"It's over". Rebecca said. "I guess that's all we can do".

"Let's get out of here". Jill replied.

They turned back toward the passage, and started to walk away, but then everyone stopped as a sound filled the air.

"Do you hear that"? Chris asked. "He's laughing".

Suddenly there was a rush of air, and dramatic music played as Sephiroth rose up and hovered above the abyss.

"That was a close one". He said. "Silly me, I almost forgot that I could fly". "But now I am back, and ready to

He was interupted by Chris swinging his sword, cutting Sephiroth's head completely off. The head and body fell back into the abyss, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

The relief was short lived however, because without Sephiroth's magic to support it, the chamber began to shake and collapse.

"Let's get out of here"! Scooby yelled.

Everyone ran back through the passage, and all the back up the stone path, all the while the whole north crater was shaking as the crystals crackedand shattered around them.

After what seemed like forever, they reached the crystal chamber where they had left Liquid to his fate at the hands of Jenova...

But the chamber was empty.

"Where did they go"? Scooby asked.

"No time"! Jill yelled. "This place could collapse any minute"!

They ran across the chamber, and started up the side of the crater, but it was so icy that they just slid back down.

"This is the only way out"! Ashley yelled. "We're trapped"!

"I hate these kind of stories"! Scooby yelled.

There was a crashing sound as the lower crystal chamber collapsed, and a moment later the stone path could be heard caving in foot by foot. But there was nothing they could do... they were screwed...

Suddenly there was an unraveling sound, and everyone froze as a rope ladder dropped down into the chamber. Then they looked up, and saw the Highwind hovering above them.

"Don't just stand there, assholes"! Liquid's voice yelled over the loudspeaker. "Get your gumby asses up here before the god damn place collapses"!

Everyone quickly scrambled for the ladder, and everyone was just getting onto it, when the entire crater collapsed, forcing the Highwind to go up really fast, reaching the surface in less then a minute.

The snowstorm had stopped, so once the Highwind reached hovering altitude, it was easy for the group to climb up the ladder.

A few minutes later everyone was on the upper deck, safe and sound.

"Everyone on"? Liquid's voice asked. "Then let's go"!

The Highwind took off across the snowy sky, and everyone started walking inside, but then Rebecca looked into the sky, and gasped.

"OH MY GOD"! She screamed. "METEOR IS FALLING"!


	39. Meteor Falls

Everyone looked up into the sky, and they too gasped as they saw Meteor slowly moving toward the planet.

"OH SHIT"! Scooby screamed. "Quick, everyone scream while running around in circles"!

Everyone panicked, and started screaming as they ran inside the Highwind, down the stairs, around the corner...

But then they stopped screaming once they reached the bridge, and came to a dead stop.

"We meet again". Jenova said. "Please, come in".

They just stood there for several minutes wondering if this was real, but Jenova was in fact standing right in front of them.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO LIQUID"?! Leon demanded as he drew his zapper. "I'LL BLOW YOU AWAY"!

"You will do no such thing". Liquid replied as the captain's chair rotated toward them. "And have some respect, that's my future ex-wife you're talking to".

Once again everyone just stood there for several minutes.

"Ok, what"? Scooby asked. "Are you fricken serious"? "She just tried to kill us, and don't forget that even though she has the body of a 23 year old, she is a 2000 year old super bitch who almost killed this entire planet with the first meteor"!

"Scooby, let me ask you something". Liquid replied. "Have you ever had in insanly beautiful woman beat you within an inch of your life... then just throw you on the ground... and screw your fucking brains out"?

"Well... no".

"Then I don't expect you to understand". "Now what the hell were you assholes screaming about when you ran in here like a bunch of fat kids chasing an ice cream truck"?

Everyone thought for a second.

"Oh, I remember". Rebecca said. "METEOR IS FALLING"!

Everyone started screaming and running around as Jenova and Liquid just looked at them.

"CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN"! Liquid screamed, stopping them in their tracks. "We already know about Meteor, and there is nothing we can do, so we might as well go to midgar, and watch the carnage from a front row seat". "And I have a special seat right here for you, Jen".

Jenova walked over and sat on the chair with Liquid, then they started kissing as the Highwind flew toward midgar.

Meanwhile Meteor was slowly filling up the skys of midgar, causing pandiminium in the streets.

"Hey guys"! A man yelled. "It's pandimonium in the streets"!

"Again"? Another man asked. "That happens alot around here".

"Who cares"? "Now shut up and throw something through a store window.

Less then an hour later meteor was less then 500 meters above the city, and the Highwind was just arriving on the scene.

"That's it". Leon said. "It's over".

The mere presence of meteor was causing the city to shake, and minutes later buildings started to collapse and people screamed as they ran down the street in an effort to escape meteor.

Then as suddenly as it had appeared in the sky, meteor faded away, leaving no trace that it had ever been there.

"Did I miss something"? Ashley asked.

"THANK YOU FOR TRYING METEOR". A booming voice said in the sky. "YOUR TRIAL VERSION HAS NOW EXPIRED, PLEASE PURCHASE THE FULL VERSION TO COMPLETE THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS PLANET, AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR CHOOSING METEOR, THE FIRST CHOICE IN PLANET DESTRUCTION".

"Oh yeah, now I remember". Jenova said. "That was why the first meteor fucked up and only left such a small crater". "I forgot to buy the full version".

Everyone stood there mor a minute, then they started cheering.

"WE SAVED THE WORLD"! Chris screamed as he ran to the liquer closet. "Let's celebrate with some champain"!

Then he pulled open the door, and gasped.

"You saved us all"! The bearded lady exclaimed. "GET YOUR ASS IN HERE"!

Chris screamed as he was dragged inside, and then the Highwind turned away from midgar.

The world was safe, and it was time to go home.

"Here we go"! Liquid yelled as he hit the throttle.

"Where are we going"? Jill asked. "All of our homes are fucked".

"Too late, we're going".

The Highwind took off like a shot, and soon vanished over the horizon.

THE END


End file.
